Mistress Kang

Anaconda is catchy because it's a remake! Or did you know that? It was before your time maybe LOL

LOL good one. Don't stop!

"How do you like them apples" One of my elementary school teachers used to say that all the time. Was over my head at the time. I just thought she was a weird white lady who kept Kleenexes in her sleeves. That's THE knife. No plate because I cut this "at the office" (LOL) I wasn't about to carry a plate to work with me- that' just *weird* and I'm no weirdo. Just the exciting parts, ready? Getting closer... So delicious, smell my burp. Two paper towels because the first one is for the fruit-remnants ;-)

Reminds me of this bit (especially @ 7:13 - 7:30)-

So what if they call him "Cock Chestner". He's freaking MASSIVE it doesn't even matter. This video is awesome because of Joe Rogan's instinctive reaction to "Big Boy" hulking out at the camera LOL I also like it because "Big Boy" is 266#, one whole pound heavier in this weigh-in ;-) Man crush with me, it's Wednesday- he must eat like three steaks in one sitting!

THREAD REVIVAL!!! I've been perving all over the place. The supermarket, the internet, umm...yeah, those two places. Re-watched the first two videos I posted, only for the second time. So disappointed to learn that "Big Boy" and "Cutie" have both retired, Dana White is such a dick for badmouthing fighters when they leave UFC. Now what will I do with the rest of my Man-Crush-Tuesday? On wait, it's already 47 minutes into my Man-Crush-Wednesday! YAY!

Soo Consulincitatus, do we get to see this "checklist" of yours? :-)

Like you just can't control yourself so you make your way behind the deli counter to slice that big ol' melon in half and stick yourself in it? I once heard a joke about how hard it is to break the seal on a new jar of peanut butter with a hard-on. Funny stuff.

Oooh, yea, you in a produce apron with that fat black marker in hand, UNCAPPED. Got me creaming just typing this. (Now don't you go stealing my copy LOL)

Me myself I use chopsticks. They're slippery little suckers, improves my death grip ;-)

And a fork.

That would be the weirdest way for a possible co-worker to identify you on this forum LOL

Remember I wrote about a dog collar that I made? Here's a pic of it: Here's me and that canine: Isn't so cool? :-)

I love green apples. But I can't bite directly into them because that triggers my OAS. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oral_allergy_syndrome That's OK because I have a whole ritual for eating green apples. I like the ones that are crispy, not "dusty" ("dusty" means when you bite into it it feels like it's breaking into dust sized crumb pieces). I always use the same knife and same plate. After I wash it, I dry it with two paper towels and lay it on the plate with them. 1- Remove sticker. 2- Wash thoroughly especially the "butt" and stem (remove) area. 3- Cut in half, then cut halves into thirds. 4- Peel each third and cut out the center part (core, seeds). 5- Slice each third into thirds (LOL). Sometimes I'll eat as I'm cutting, sometimes I'll cut everything and then eat the slices uninterrupted. Not like I'm counting or anything, but there are 18 slices to be precise ;-) Anyway, I was out of green apples the other day. So I went to Hong Kong Supermarket to get more and automatically went into produce-perv-mode. Haven't you ever done that?

Interesting this is on your mind. Does it relate to a recent event/encounter in your life? I see you're on FetLife, personally, that's always been a frustrating experience, unfulfilling. Can you please answer your own question? I'm happy to continue with my own answer in the same vein.

LOL sorry no prize but I will continue this thread ;-) Here's a pic of my artspace one afternoon: iPad mini Clamcase set up with a coffee mug of not coffee (makeshift mug cover, stuck a straw through saran wrap and secured with a hair tie- to keep the bugs out), bunch of paint tubes, brushes, rubber gloves, and a 10 (or is it 15) pound weight??!! LOL The entire fence around the back of the house was covered in art. I added a little to it before I left ;-) The panel of fence behind me shown in the pic is the second to last part of the drawing- you could say it's the tail end of it. It's probably near impossible to guess what the drawing is of. Any takers?

Feeling an ittybitty cryptic, are we? English please! I don't speak Friday-night-drunk-babble ;-(

You like this song?

YES!!!!!

Do you mean that *I* am an early Christmas gift for someone? Or that the two girls all wrapped up (McMummified) are early Christmas gifts for someone? Confusing. #McMistified.

The last few pics I've posted in the Candid Gallery are all from the "Cali-Adventure Time with Kang"- except for the one posted on Thanksgiving ("Oh Yeah!"). Starting with PBJ's in the Sky, Kang Collage, But First...Lemme Take A Selfie!, A.R.T., All American Rough Rider, Wow-ing You ;-) and today with Machine Gun Kang. More to come. ______________ In reply to some of the Gallery Comments: (A.R.T.) http://www.fortressnyc.com/forum/gallery/image/3496-art/ From loveinthetimeofcollaring- "If we say it in front of a mirror at 3:33am will you appear in our homes?" To loveinthetimeofcollaring- Yes, 3:33 AM PM No-M. (All American Rough Rider) http://www.fortressnyc.com/forum/gallery/image/3499-all-american-rough-rider/ From The Spermwhale- "Wow, my wedding song!!!! Ah the memories!" To The Spermwhale- Is that really your wedding song?? I did not know you had the experience of such a ceremony under your belt (where you keep your spermwhale LOL). From Jeriko13- "I can't tell if you are coming or going, but I know which one I'm doing." To Jeriko13- Me too! Both! ;-) From purgatorio- "Yo slim sepia stems, yo question marks, so kissable." To purgatorio- IDK what that is. (Wow-ing You) http://www.fortressnyc.com/forum/gallery/image/3500-wow-ing-you/ From ViginslaveboyKK- "The angle makes it feels as if you are trying to eat me and I don't mind that at all." To VirginslaveboyKK- I DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE!! From MrX- "Indeed. (So pleased with myself that I didn't come on this site last night when I was totally pickled and say some stupid shit, but that's neither here nor there). Happy Tuesday!" To MrX- Stealing my lines AND getting ripped on a Monday. You stay class Mister X. (LOL) (Machine Gun Kang) http://www.fortressnyc.com/forum/gallery/image/3501-machine-gun-kang/ From Jeriko13- "www.youtube.com/embed/gId6nrMDmUU" To Jeriko13- LOL Good one ;-) From MrX- "Thug. You actually walk around the house like that?" To MrX- When I'm dressed like come-to-life-anime I like to go out with someone who can kick ass (other than myself of course ;-)) So that's what I did. No jacket needed. Cali weather. ______________ Now I Party On Your Face! http://www.fortressnyc.com/forum/gallery/image/3505-party-on-your-face/

I'm wondering, Mistress Kang, how you managed to have the Hot Dog dog pick up his own poop and carry it home. Or was he not allow to poop while in your presence? WHAT?!?!!! In the infamous tone of an old friend (who's initials are N.P., maybe you can figure it out)- "I don't *dooooo* that". that = pick up poo Little Boxes is better than having THIS stuck in your head. HALP! This song gets me pumped and focused at the same time. How can that be?

Back to my Cali-Adventures... Once upon a time, there was a Kang named Jessy. She met a hot dog dog. They both enjoyed taking long walks on the beach and dancing the night away. Day was still early, they went for a long walk on the beach- Huntington Beach. Jessy asserted her dominance as she walked the hot dog dog by his leash. He learned how to keep pace alongside her every step and stop. They become more acquainted with each other. Twine-leash in hand, Jessy decided to take things further. Without hesitation his owner eagerly agreed to her tying him up. She bound him tightly using that ever-so-convenient leash of twine. It was very, very sexy. The hot dog dog of course, not the owner. C'mon people. Exhausted from their long walk on the Beach of Huntington. Jessy instructed, he quietly obliged and laid down on the ground at her feet. She noticed him becoming visibly excited. Excitement grew thick and quick, even the hot dog dog could not deny it. She proceeded to strip him- completely. Right there on the beach. In front of everyone! The hot dog dog! Of his bondage! Tsk! Tsk! people... You're all just too pervy for this story. The End. LOL

Now I have another, also suited for this thread and possibly others ;-) I love how she ends it.

Whenver I visit someone's house one of the first things that I do is start making mental snapchats of every room, direct of opening of every door, furniture, windows, bathroom and kitchen fixtures and appliances. Oh, I got a new cool sofabed recently, come have a looksee. Rearrange the pieces and it becomes a full size bed (it's 14.5" thick (yeah...) so now I have to get deeper sheets). I HAD to customize the cover because their options were blah. Here's what they sell- They took a picture of my Puzzel Sofa to use on their site! I LOVE IT! And it loves me.