Mistress Fei

Well said, MTran. I'm proud that we Mistresses aren't just doling out punishments mindlessly. It's been an incredible experience being a part of a sisterhood that truly wants to investigate the human condition and understand each of our subs deepest, darkest desires... and not only that, but that we are ABLE to reach that profound place and analyze it due to both our own, and our subs' depth, awareness and openness. Here's to continued investigation, probing (hehe), understanding, evolution, enlightenment and peace. It's a journey, and an enjoyable one through and through. x MFei

I'm curious to know how often you truly feel connected and present in life. Do you have a particular instance that you can remember of a true connection? A click? If so, how did it feel and why did it stick with you? Who was it? What effect did it have? Do you feel you are able to be present at all times, why or why not? What was a time you felt completely connected, present and in flow in the last month? Do you come to the Fortress to feel that connection, that vulnerability and flow? Always interested in learning more about the human condition and how it relates to BDSM.. Again- feel free to PM me if you have that privilege, if you'd rather speak to me in private. Excited to read and learn more about you. x Fei

I saw Gone Girl last Friday and it's STILL haunting me. This film was so well done. Dark. Satisfying. Obviously functions for a mainstream audience yet with art house appeal.. Made me wonder about a lot of things re: film/culture/media/psychology/values/mores and draw connections between this and other seemingly unrelated pieces of media like The Bachelor/Bachelorette I always saw that as a sociological lesson and a way in which the media manipulates our craving of values (i.e. family unit, love, purity) much like how a mainstream film does (story telling formula being, give them a value, take it away, the restore it at the end which is why you see so many story arcs w/ a family unit being destroyed then saved at the end- someone's love life being interrupted and finally, reuniting with the loved one) In this case, we the audience, along w/ the main character and the community in the film are being manipulated the whole way through. Anyone have any thoughts to share re: the movie itself, values, media consumption in society, or maybe just manipulation, as it applies to this film and in BDSM?

Right- I never felt shame about it until I was taught to feel shame- I think that applies to many things in life. As human beings we aren't born with these judgments. The things we like only feel natural. Only once we're indoctrinated into, and abide by society's contract do we learn to ascribe shame to our interests. I think the only way to normalize it is to stop rationalizing it and just revert to a state of pure existence where nothing has meaning Rationalizing always will hold a certain degree of societally affected intellectualization

Gotcha- can't wait!

Hi Downnw Thank you for the kind review. I'm glad you had a great time- I did as well. It's always a two way street when it comes to a good session. Vulnerability is a bit of an uncomfortable and uneasy feeling, isn't it? But liberating too- we need to feel vulnerable to feel empowered and recharged. Hope you're able to pass through NYC again soon x Fei

Hi Milkdud, your mention of power exchange and your experience at 18 are both very very interesting and instigates psychological probing. I'm interested to know more about your experiences especially after having met you and understand the complex approach you have towards bdsm where it's clearly both light yet deep. I'm really glad you were able to find an outlet and awakening of sorts through corporal, and even happier that you've found MZhao to continue your exploration. Hope to see you soon! Xo

Hi there! I have a lot to say in response to your very insightful answers. I'm having trouble replying to your PM right now as it seems we are having some trouble on this front but I wanted you to know I read your response twice and watched the videos. I'm glad that I'm seeing you soon so that we can go over a lot of these topics in person. I too have had various forms of anxiety so I can relate to you. After you experience crippling panic attacks, it is both the most confining experience being terrified of and trapped in your own body and the most liberating too- there's nothing left to be afraid of after you've had that kind of experience where your own body and mind can turn against you. I'll reply to your PM in detail when the function allows and can't wait to discuss with you. x Fei

Best article I've read in a long time

A good example of a want in light of recent posts- I want a triboob, so I What day am I seeing you, bassman? Operating on a lose-lose condition seems to be liberating

or perhaps what I mean by that is, there's something that seeks alleviating. Therapy is a catalyst

That exact scenario is one of my favorites to do to sissies!

Imagine that heel going into a sub's mouth!!!!

Hi Lu, I think you answered your own question- as you mentioned, sometimes a need and draw to kink/bdsm is deep and other times shallow. I suppose this means that depending on the degrees of your association, the amount of exposure would vary. Another thing I'd like to throw in there is perhaps we will never be truly "satisfied", as any need in life exists as a need that needs constant replenishing. For instance, hunger or thirst are needs, and sure we can be satiated but the need always returns. I think a need and a want are very different, obviously spiritually but even on a superficial level. Wants can be satisfied, sometimes even permanently. A need, never fully.

How do you frame it now to negate the shame associated?

Hmm.. your answers seem contradictory.. Wouldn't therapy automatically imply one is being changed, or altered in some way?

Questionmarks- here could also be a reason why you've gravitated towards Mistress Koi. I think that submission is a choice, and the person you relinquish that control to can be very telling- of your past, your preferences, what you feel is powerful and beautiful, and many more unconscious motives. A triple domme session sounds fantastic. Guess you'll have to make your way back over to this coast soon! Thanks for your thoughtful answers x Fei

Interesting answers. Anxiety is also the shadow of intelligence, as well as the capacity to plan. I personally think anxiety is an indicator, a barometer, of where you are on your path of self actualization. Once you transform that into tranquility, that's when it can work for you, not against you.

Courtney- it sounds like you have a heavy pain-body from the past. But once you transform that pain into compassion, it will no doubt expedite your process towards self-actualization. The depth you feel that "normal" people may not have been subjected to only furthers your potential, only if you harness it correctly. I see it as energy. The same as how love and hate are extremes of the same emotional impulse, the capacity to experience what you describe as a rough brush with harsh reality is the capacity to transform. We can explore more of this in our session coming up soon and continue to work on this progress in your session in October. x Fei

Yes I do indeed!

Thank you for the honest and deep insight. I expected long answers so no need to apologize- I thank you for your openness. I understand what you mean by knowing when to check your impulse to dig too deep and other times knowing when to dig deeper. It is a fine balance. I used to overthink EVERYTHING to the point of damaging myself and relationships, then at times I didn't consider my actions at all and lived life carefree, unaware of unconscious meanings. Both mindsets have their pros and cons, and a healthy mixture of both adds to enjoyment and self actualization. I'm glad you were able to find M. Koi, she is fantastic and beautiful and talented. Exploration is heightened with a connection, and it sounds like you found just that! On a general note, I do think that sometimes our kinky impulses are hard wired. By being human, we already have these latent desires inside us that have no source from our upbringing. I think in cases of abuse or trauma, these can be expressed in kink to either repeat, or heal the trauma. However, I think that these two modes of exploration differ, perhaps subtly, in what they're achieving and which urges they're satisfying. It would be really great to meet you the next time you stop in at the Fortress! Sounds like we have a lot to chat about x Fei

Hi subs, While reviewing some of Freud's cases this week, I couldn't help but get attached to a statement he made in his Dora case. He says that fetishes, when repressed, lead to neurosis. To lead a neurosis free life, we can't repress that urge and must acknowledge, and confront it. With that, I'd like to know your answers to the below: What do you think about this statement? What would your life be like if you did not explore bdsm? What has your open exploration of bdsm done for you, is it helpful? Therapeutic? Not effective? When did you first realize your urge and how? What drove you to explore it? I would like to know as much info as you are willing to provide. Feel free to PM me if you have that privilege and don't want to share answers publicly. x Fei

Yes I did indeed demand this! Glad to know you remembered

Hi WorldTraveler69! I'm so happy you had a good time. Isn't it great that we both agreed on what we did during the 2nd half even though you hadn't mentioned that being an interest at all? Must've been something we picked up on unconsciously. Thank you for the compliment and yes, you might have to try harder next time x Fei

Ah, perhaps next time there can be 3 of us torturing you during one of your hours if you decide to do multi-hours again. Then it can be a lethal combination of hypnosis, methodicalness and UNRELENTING CONTROL!!!!!!