questionmarks

Nothing particularly comes to mind, but surely there are more scenes and session dynamics than exist in my imagination. Seemed worth asking.

Have you ever cried in session?

Oh no, I'm not desensitized to tears. One of the most powerful aspects of crying, for me, is the fact that it so often can open up emotions and thoughts that otherwise would've remained unconscious or undefined—if one is attentive to that sort of thing. Part of the question of the importance or meaning of each bawl is what opens up the floodgates to begin with, but then also what comes pouring out. Bawling out of affection, for example, is quite a surprising experience... to allow myself to wax poetic a bit, I'd say it feels a bit like what I imagine growing pains would be like for a blossoming flower, if a flower were a sentient being. It's like, "Oh, hi, this is me! Ouch! Beautiful!" I feel we are always becoming, always emerging. There is no finality. If self-awareness is not dynamic, then it's really just an attachment to a diagnosis. A lot of people seek thrills in order to feel alive, and I like a good thrill now and then, but, at least for me, it works at least as well to hone and maintain the sensitivity it takes to feel the full range of reasons to cry, and feelings expressed through tears, and unconscious desires and fears, and so on, that emerge in that vulnerable state. I mean, to keep it brief and finally shut up, I might just say that each bawl sort of determines its own importance; it's just my job to pay a little attention.

I cry all the time, including in session. Sometimes it's just teary-eyed wistfulness, sometimes I bawl. The first time I cried in session was because the whole session was just too much for me. It was only my second session ever, and my first double session, and those have typically ended with me agitated and overwhelmed. I've cried from anger in session, from pain, from joy, from affection, and from good old fashioned sadness. I'll never forget when Rey said, "I've never seen you this sad." It made me all the sadder. Some tears feel good, or, at least, they feel like a need; cleansing. Some tears just make the pain—physical or emotional—all the more poignant.

There are too many to choose from, HM, and so many more still ahead of me.

This is really nice, thank you, HMJK, I'm really enjoying the responses. Yesterday I stopped along my walk to watch the squirrels in Tompkins square park bury nuts for the winter. (If you've never seen them pat down the earth with their little hands, I highly recommend giving it a few minutes, it's fascinating and adorable.) I'm grateful for the little moments in the animal kingdom I get to spy as I walk around the city.

Anyone else seen Crazy Rich Asians yet? Because Hello! Gemma Chan. Wowza.

I mean, you asked.

Daenerys. My family left me with as much baggage as privilege, and I learned early on how to be alone and take care of myself. I'm honest and principled, but also stubborn and naive. I'm impatient for the world to be better, and perpetually surprised to find people who don't seem to give a shit, but even when I make an impact, I struggle to see how to leave a lasting impression. I also have a pretty high self regard. But I'm, like, way less badass. And even at my most masochistic, she still has a higher pain tolerance ?

i'm genuinely struggling to come up with an answer for this. i more often wish i'd done things earlier than wish i could come to things freshly again. i was a pretty tightly wound teenager. so maybe a weird answer... i'd like to be able to hear shakira's oral fijacion for the first time again. the first time i listened to that album—pre-ordered on CD lol—her voice during the chorus of the first track gave me this incredible synesthetic experience, that i was tasting (and even feeling) ripe peaches in the back of my mouth. i kept replaying it and feeling it again. it was outrageous. that note still gets me every time, but the peaches eventually stopped showing up.