Fred

I definitely have a bit of this fetish. It's not a dominant fetish (nearly always present) but it makes appearances. I think there are many variations based on size and whether desirable activities are vanilla to kink. I would be seriously worried about the health of someone 500 lbs though.

I have definite have southern elements from living in the south from 4th grade through college. Someone from Pittsburgh can tell that's where I'm originally from about 4 words in. My favorite American accent is a native Floridian. If you find someone over 60 that grew up in Florida and went to the Universty of Florida, it is beautiful. IMHO

When I think of Market Perving my brain only suggests things that would land me in jail. E.g., eating that perfect peach right then and there. Or, testing the veggies for proper size and firmness.

Funny, but what's cow jumping? Since I'm white, heavy and have had back and knees operated on many times, I have a vertical jump of about ⅛ inch. I can bring a note from my neurosurgeon. Will you accept it or do I have to suffer???

Mistress, I'm disapointed by the clarification as well. Perhaps one day we may meet and we can decide then if it is something we need to discuss. Best, Fred

"Energy vampism". I like that phrase, mZ. I've had two awesome sessions and one where I drained huge amounts of energy. However good things flowed in the days after. Sometime it may work out better than you imagine at the time. It goes to the investment being for more than only for the time in the room.

Mistress Fei, Some very hopeful things have developed as a result of our last session. I will pass on the details later. Fred

Fei, My ex-girlfriend and I were not together that many times. Outside forces saw to that. But when we were we were simply together. We didn't have requirements, expectations, judgements, agendas or plans. We just were. Our gifts were a beautiful surrender and trust. The rest of the world wasn't vanished. I don't know how realistic it was or can be. That is probably some thinking I shouldn't do. But, the trust I felt with you was something that created that same light. Pure. Whole. Sufficient. I have sometimes think that depression can be the curse of the brilliant mind. It could be in your case but I'm the exception. :-) But I hate the thought of you having been faced with anxiety, stress or pain. I have definitely been happier and feeling more grounded. I was wary of a crash. Today has been the most "down" of the days but I know it could be far worse. I was glad to have scheduled the time when I did so I could look up, and forward to being with you again. I will see you Monday.

Mistress Zhao, you said "So what you're saying is that there a universal perception of the spirit being masculine, and the flesh being feminine? I fail to see where this idea came from, other than the bible, and we all know that those are simply stories of allegory and metaphor." By saying "we all know" and "simply stories of allegory and metaphor" are you dismissing the bible as similar to children's fiction with some simple lessons thrown in? The human writers of the bible were engaged in much the same journey as most of us, existential questions if you will. The tradition of the eastern church has always been to begin a scripture reading with an intoned "wisdom". In a similar way I think a psychology that ignores Freud is egocentric and foolish. Some students of philosophy think they don't need to study Plato, Aristotle and Socrates, which I cannot understand. Notwithstanding the above, I am delighted to be a new observer of the inquiry you and Fei are engaged in. I will surely learn much from you. Best, Fred

Dear Fei, I was thinking about this last night. It was the first night in a new apartment. As I was preparing for the move I was sorting through letters I had written to my grandparents when I was in college. I read a couple and I was stunned to see how disconnected I was back then. Those should have been happy days but they weren't. Many years later it occurred to me that the roots of my depression go back to those days and even earlier. It's damn near a miracle that I made it through this far as well as I have. I was chatting with someone last night (the person other than you that I recently confided in). She has ex-boyfriends littering the country. I mentioned some of my ex-girlfriend, much fewer in number. There was one with whom I felt completely connected and free. Sadly there were logical reasons on both sides that we would not be together for long. However, the day we met was a true mountaintop experience (despite the mosquitos in the woods). Fast forward and I'm at another mountain experience, this time with you. I may have told you that my being there was my gift to myself. Perhaps I'm not too old to experience life more fully, more connected. Something changed with our meeting. Perhaps a transformation has begun. I like music. Unfortunately I have used it mostly to block out feelings that didn't want to feel. Would you do me the favor? Use some music at our next session that your really like Tell me the artist so that I might load it in my iPhone. I'd like to have it so that I can feel good, to summon up the connectedness with you and with life. I can be something that I will listen to and recall the joy and aliveness of being with you. Onward! Fred

It was great to meet you. Thank you. You are even more beautiful in person than in your pictures.