Hey Choi
Hopefully I don't go too far off topic with this, but I am a little intrigued about the part where you mention about innocently reading books and then finding out you were a deviant... I think it was more like a lattice work for me. The sci-fi genre always piqued my interest. I got stuck on Piers Anthony for a while only to reread some of the books later and feel that he approached sexuality in an almost juvenile way. At the time though, I was really turned on by the imagery in my head! What I got from many books that made me feel turned on is almost what I sought from them in a way. Each time I would read something that aroused me, I'd see something or someone and it would all get swirled up into this ongoing theme if you will with each piece adding more. Switching away from literature just a bit, I did notice as I was growing up that I was turned on by seeing women tied up and struggling like in the Avengers, detective shows, Wonder Woman, etc. I never really put it all together in my head until one day I was home from college my freshman year. Internet browsing was very new and I saw a news piece on "the dangers of newsgroups" and they started scrolling through all of the newsgroups on the screen. One came up called "alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.bondage". I turned off the TV, said "thank you" outloud and I went onto our computer, completely turned on and started downloading the pictures. I'd never seen my sexuality so clearly than at that moment. Most ironically given to me by a newscaster talking about the abundance of perversion on newsgroups. It was as if a gigantic switch went off in my head. Starting so innocently with a book here, a movie there, a picture in my head.
D