Session Tips- To Subs From Subs

[Mistress Kang]

There are experienced subs and novice subs browsing this Forum. I'd really like everyone (subs) to offer general advice to other subs (seasoned and novice alike) in this thread. Be as trivial or as explicit as you like!

[kevybaby]

Probably just to take care of your health (even though everyone does this the best they can probably). I'm losing my fucking mind right now because I haven't sessioned for over half a year at this point but I'm doing it for a reason because I think I'm (and a doctor who's treating me) are close to figuring out/possibly have figured out and just need to treat (this next week possibly) a hip problem that I've had for like 7 years. And it's made me miserable but also it attracts me to femdom as a self destructive/self hatred ritualistic thing, and not the blissful experience that it's supposed to be. Anyway too personal but my advice is approach femdom from a desire to submit to something beautiful and not from a desire to further self hatred, if at all possible. I think there's a lot of crossover unfortunately between incel-types who just are full of hate (self or other or both) and people who want genuine bdsm experiences. And so don't session until you're approaching it from as healthy a place as possible (physical or mental health or whatever). That's my advice but also I'm VERY stupid so don't listen to me. 

[job1617]

Communication is pivotal. In my experience sessions have brought up many repressed emotions of things I buried deep down. If they are overwhelming communicate to your Mistress with your safe word.

I made that mistake once by going along with something that brought horrible memories to the forefront. I was in sub drop for days crying often. Now I explore certain aspects of myself in smaller pieces which makes it easier to handle.

Steven (Good Boy)

[Doughboy]

I wrote some stuff here which could be worth checking out: 

also if you are looking for hair removal services, I would recommend Sugaring NYC. They use sugar goo instead of wax, and it is supposed to be better and less painful. It doesn't really sick on you usually, so you won't be a sticky, sugary mess after.

I have heard on here that it is possible to play music during a session, but I didn't know that when I went. So, you could bring your own music or ask your session Mistress if she can put something on.

Also, you could bring your own shower shoes if you use them - none provided for you

If you have the $, go for a multi hour your first time. I only had 1 hr, and it was way too short.

Happy trails!

[atlhiker]

1) When figuring out which domme to see do not use your cock. Use your brain. Choosing based on beauty is a lousy idea. 

2) Consider whether you want D/s, fetish or both in your scene. Most of my worst scene have come from not making this clear. 

3) Consider whether the domme you are interested in has the technical skills to do the activities you like. Even simple things like canes or floggers can be done well or poorly. 

4) Figure out what mood you want to leave the session with. By this I mean not during the moment but after how do you want to feel. 

5) Clearly state your aftercare needs. Sadly most pro-dommes do a very poor job of debriefing their scenes and do not include this. My one experience at FF was better in this regard. 

6) Consider whether you want to build a long term relationship with one domme or see many, there are advantages and disadvantages to both approaches. 

7) The style of what you want has to mesh with the dominant ask explicit questions about this. For example many dominants want a submissive to be relaxed putty, Im stiff as a board, this creates bad scenes. 

? Recognize the mental not physical mismatches are far more likely to lead to bad scenes. 

9) Consider carefully your hard limits and what they really mean to you and are they truly hard. 

[atlhiker]

10) Also dont take a shitty scene or one not going well for granted, you have the right both to a good scene and your safeword for a reason. 

[Dannyboy]

Dear Ms. Kang:

In my opinion you are making a noble gesture.  I don't think many will come forward. It is in the nature of the male gender to relegate activities in the scene to a more private and even secret place. Male subs tend not to reveal to other males within their sphere what they do with Mistresses and the secrets often revealed in session. It is a subject that can be approached in a more general fashion but not much further.

I would also say, having seen it and having felt it, that a certain sense of rivalry for the favor of a specific Mistress can emerge. In that case advising and sharing with a perceived rival might be self-defeating.

We, however, often offer advice to first timers and newbies where they might post of their uncertainties and pre-session jitters. That is usually a safe topic.

Dannyboy

[Mistress Kang]

17 hours ago, Doughboy said:

I wrote some stuff here which could be worth checking out: 

also if you are looking for hair removal services, I would recommend Sugaring NYC. They use sugar goo instead of wax, and it is supposed to be better and less painful. It doesn't really sick on you usually, so you won't be a sticky, sugary mess after.

I have heard on here that it is possible to play music during a session, but I didn't know that when I went. So, you could bring your own music or ask your session Mistress if she can put something on.

Also, you could bring your own shower shoes if you use them - none provided for you

If you have the $, go for a multi hour your first time. I only had 1 hr, and it was way too short.

Happy trails!

Thanks for your tips, Doughboy!

Yep, feel free to bring your own music on MP3 or CD (we have a player) and we'll hook it up to our speakers.

We have slippers that I suppose can be worn into the showers since they're entirely rubber. I'm sorry we didn't offer you slippers when you visited. We usually offer them if you need to leave the Playroom to shower but I believe you were in the Steel Room which has a shower within. Will try to remember for your next visit though ?

[kevybaby]

So in my first reply to this topic I said that people should try to get themselves together outside of sessioning before they session and now I'm going to do a complete 180 on that view and say that now I think that you should just session whenever because submission is about letting go of order and allowing chaos to envelop you so let go and just session and give in for a bit and stop trying to exert control on yourself/your environment for a bit and just be as you are at the moment and this is my new answer, although I still like my first answer too.

-Kevybaby

Master of Run-On Sentences

[JustAGuy]

For the record, I read everybody's posts and there's some good stuff in there.

Here's a thought:

Adjust to your Mistress' style, they are all different.  I tend to talk a lot in session, trying to joke around.  Some Mistresses like this, others definitely do NOT.  One of my most disappointing sessions came when I failed to adjust, one of my favorite sessions came with the same Mistress when I did!

[Dannyboy]

My reaction to this topic may have been off center because I misinterpreted the Headmistress's intent. The flow of the responses so far do appear to be general and could apply to any Mistress or any dungeon.

In that spirit I would say to a newbie that the fantasy and the reality may be incompatible. So if you have more intense or extreme fantasies don't seek to go that far in the first or even second session. You always have the option of going further in future sessions.

I would also say to those in vanilla relationships to keep that part of your life secret and always cover your tracks.

Dannyboy 

[Doughboy]

Thanks Mistress Kang! No problem about the slippers. I ended up forgetting to shower when I first came, but I will definitely remember for the future. Another bit of advice - remember to shower beforehand.

Very nice thoughts Kevybaby! 

[kevybaby]

27 minutes ago, Doughboy said:

Very nice thoughts Kevybaby! 

Thanks man you're the best and you know that

[kevybaby]

Much love to Doughboy

[Al3x]

A little disclaimer for those that are new to this:  

I am very much the sort of sub for whom the bulk of the arousal all the way to almost climax can occur in my headspace (subspace?). I am sure there are some for whom the physical acts/discipline themselves are the core stimulation, but I can't speak for that as I am very much the former

This means (to me) that many of the things that occur in the physical world are seeds to what my mind embellishes on the way to my brain, and if the right triggers are set off at the right times - it can be a rollercoaster you never want to end.

Allowing yourself to slip into this head space can be very hard or very easy depending on the sub, and choosing the right domme for this is crucial. Those that are new can find it difficult to entrust their darkest fantasies with an unknown person (domme) and conversely there are probably some subs that want to freely give it to a stranger and that's part of the eroticism. You can even have a good rapport with a domme but on a given day find it difficult to slip into that subspace for any number of ancillary reasons.

From my experiences, the ladies of the Fortress are exceptionally talented and experienced in probing for your triggers and finding them before taking you above and beyond your initial expectations

I think one way (for subs like me) and for the domme in question to more easily relax it to have a basic backstory or scene in mind - one that you look forward to exploring (and exploring yourself in, in the case of repressed sexual fantasies). Maybe have some idea of your role and a general role of the domme (she will take this and generally exceed your expectation). 

I am quite triggered by certain songs, so maybe in your own time fantasize about the session ahead of time and be listening to a playlist of that music, then on the day bring a standalone mp3 player (as phones aren't allowed in the playrooms) with the music that gets you in the mood. 

If you're thinking of trying for the first time or trying a different domme, reach out to Emma (Ree) and suggest the kind of scene/backstory/roles you are interested in and she can quickly determine a domme that fits your criteria - and atlhiker makes some really salient points above - although I don't think the style of play I am into requires a safeword (more mental/emotional than physical) it is certainly something to consider.

I would probably start with a 2hr session with a new domme, because letting your guard down mentally with a stranger can be a gradual thing even if they are waving all the proverbial carrots in your face. 

You will just know when you find one that clicks with you and your internal erotic rhythm, as you will find yourself willingly relinquishing all reigns of control and letting be the coxswain of your mind, body and soul for the next hour(s). In my experience, it's only when you're fully accepting of this "letting go" that you truly appreciate how talented these ladies are and how lucky you are to be at their feet.

For me, Ms Von Dietz knows all my triggers and found some new ones (embarrassingly quickly I might add) and takes me on a wild ride, often leaving me a discombobulated hot mess, before snapping me back for a grand finale. I count the minutes to my next sessions with her, and always feel 'the absence of MvD' for days afterwards

[Doughboy]

Thank you my dear KevyBaby. You too are the best and deserving of much love!

[Outcast]

My advice is to be respectful and open minded and try to have fun. It's cool to explore things with people who understand and accept.  A pitfall, and a big one, is not to get too caught up on any particular mistress.  Have fun and be care-free but know why you're there and also why they are there.  Two different things man. Don't be Butters from the South Park 'Raisins"episode. Those who've seen that know exactly what I'm talking about.  If you head that way, like I did, it'll never be the same and you'll have ice water running through your veins as far as meeting new mistresses . A connection will be close to impossible.

   Other then that, be respectful, generous and cool and have fun.

[LiamD]

Lots 'o good guidance here.  Your path is your path. Grow as much and as comfortably as you are able. Many, like me, took ages. Not needed now. Relax, have confidence in your desires, have fun, and grow fast. 

[Mark73]

Hi I'm new.  I haven't had any experience at the Fort yet.  I have a bit of fear in having a session with the scene that I have in mind with Midtress Zito and Mistress Rey.  Mistress Emma was very quick and kind in organizing my session.

[Outcast]

The best safe word to use is Meatloaf....it means you'll do anything for love but you won't do that 

[Mistress Kang]

2 hours ago, The Spermwhale said:

The best safe word to use is Meatloaf....it means you'll do anything for love but you won't do that 

That's actually really cute ?

[Al3x]

5 hours ago, The Spermwhale said:

The best safe word to use is Meatloaf....it means you'll do anything for love but you won't do that 

Hahahahaha - I almost peed myself hahahaha, love it

[Dannyboy]

On 6/22/2019 at 10:27 AM, The Spermwhale said:

The best safe word to use is Meatloaf....it means you'll do anything for love but you won't do that 

But did he ever session with a Mistress who was a "Bat Out of Hell?'

Dannyboy

[ctyankeex2]

Listen to your cardiologist first.  Three months out of a heart attack, it is safer than your own judgement.

 

[kevybaby]

6 hours ago, ctyankeex2 said:

Listen to your cardiologist first.  Three months out of a heart attack, it is safer than your own judgement.

 

Did you have a heart attack at a domme