Tips for new subs by experienced subs

[Mistress Megan Ang]

Curious subs are always browsing our forum anticipating decisions and getting anxiety. Do any of you experienced subs have some advice you would’ve appreciated as a beginner?

[ConsentOptional]

Videos are fun.  But your ass is not a video.  Unless you have somehow explored what you can take, don't assume you can handle more than you can because you stayed hard watching a video of same.

For God's sake don't do half hour sessions.  Don't even do one hour sessions if you can afford it.  Do you go to your favorite restaurant for a half hour?  Give your Partner room in the form of time.  It will be a more organic experience without that time pressure.  It's better to save your coppers for a 2 hour session than to have 2 one hour sessions.

Be as clean as humanly possible.  Shower, brush teeth as close to the session as a possible.  Treat it as a date with someone you have no earthly right to ask out on a date.  Don't fuck this up.  Especially don't fuck it up with the eminently avoidable and fixable problem of poor hygiene.  And don't wear cologne.  If She wants you to smell pretty, She'll take care of that for you.  Princess....

Learn to massage a woman's feet.  It's  a great way to take things down a notch without disturbing the dynamic of a Mistress and Her sub.  If things are taking a turn you're not sure of or you'd like to go in a different direction or just want to pause and reset, chatting over a foot massage is a good and respectful way to get there.  I've done foot massages in sessions that began with an abduction at knife point.  In any event, if you want Someone to wear those shoes you ought to learn to massage those feet. 

Don't wreck the session for yourself by holding it to an absurd standard of cathartic discovery.  Instead see yourself at the lower 3rd of a mountain that rises steeply from where you are into a deep fog bank that makes the actual height of the mountain impossible to gauge.  You'll never see more than a few meters forward at a time.  But you got this far.  A lot of people never do.  They can't even admit they're climbing a mountain despite all the evidence to the contrary.  Keep climbing.  You will lose people in the fog behind you.  But there are more interesting people you've never met on the other side of the fog up ahead. 

There's an E. L. Doctorow quote about writing that I like in this context.  "It's like driving a car at night.  You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."  Think of a session as the scope of your headlights at a given time.  It will make the other decisions you need to make easier to grasp.

[Dannyboy]

9 hours ago, Mistress Megan Ang said:

Curious subs are always browsing our forum anticipating decisions and getting anxiety. Do any of you experienced subs have some advice you would’ve appreciated as a beginner?

Dear Ms. Ang:

The world has changed a few times over since I was a beginner. The world of professional domination has changed along with myriad relevant factors and components of that scene so that my beginning so many years ago has little or nothing in common with another's beginning today. I often give advice to beginners on these Forums but that advice is based on today's norms. If I had it all to do over again I would have wanted to focus on becoming so wealthy that whatever I wanted would seek me instead of the other way around. No matter, I have memories that could fill a small encyclopedia and even if I couldn't change a thing I would rather be me than anyone else.

Dannyboy 

[kevybaby]

8 hours ago, Dannyboy said:

Dear Ms. Ang:

The world has changed a few times over since I was a beginner. The world of professional domination has changed along with myriad relevant factors and components of that scene so that my beginning so many years ago has little or nothing in common with another's beginning today. I often give advice to beginners on these Forums but that advice is based on today's norms. If I had it all to do over again I would have wanted to focus on becoming so wealthy that whatever I wanted would seek me instead of the other way around. No matter, I have memories that could fill a small encyclopedia and even if I couldn't change a thing I would rather be me than anyone else.

Dannyboy 

What have you seen change over time in professional domination? I feel like chastity has become much more popular in just the last few years but I'm not sure if I've noticed anything else so specific or obvious. So glad at the rise of chastity (at least in my perception) though because chastity is the best (and worst obviously).

Anyway for advice I would just address the anxiety before sessions and say that I'm always anxious before sessions pretty much. The few times I wasn't that anxious before sessions were in some ways my least favorite sessions. You're supposed to be anxious. If there are things that should cause anxiety in a normal person, going to a dominatrix should certainly be one of them. And you'll learn that you can trust a mistress and then the anxiety won't be so unhealthy in the future and it will just be excitement moreso. That takes time though. I generally feel safer now at Fortress than anywhere else in the world honestly, and that definitely wasn't true at the beginning for me. Whenever I session with Mistress Zito now especially I feel so safe it's unbelievable. Anyway this post is too long but just dive in yeah. See how it goes. 

[Mistress Alexia Zito]

On 1/14/2020 at 7:13 AM, ConsentOptional said:

Videos are fun.  But your ass is not a video.  Unless you have somehow explored what you can take, don't assume you can handle more than you can because you stayed hard watching a video of same.

For God's sake don't do half hour sessions.  Don't even do one hour sessions if you can afford it.  Do you go to your favorite restaurant for a half hour?  Give your Partner room in the form of time.  It will be a more organic experience without that time pressure.  It's better to save your coppers for a 2 hour session than to have 2 one hour sessions.

Be as clean as humanly possible.  Shower, brush teeth as close to the session as a possible.  Treat it as a date with someone you have no earthly right to ask out on a date.  Don't fuck this up.  Especially don't fuck it up with the eminently avoidable and fixable problem of poor hygiene.  And don't wear cologne.  If She wants you to smell pretty, She'll take care of that for you.  Princess....

Learn to massage a woman's feet.  It's  a great way to take things down a notch without disturbing the dynamic of a Mistress and Her sub.  If things are taking a turn you're not sure of or you'd like to go in a different direction or just want to pause and reset, chatting over a foot massage is a good and respectful way to get there.  I've done foot massages in sessions that began with an abduction at knife point.  In any event, if you want Someone to wear those shoes you ought to learn to massage those feet. 

Don't wreck the session for yourself by holding it to an absurd standard of cathartic discovery.  Instead see yourself at the lower 3rd of a mountain that rises steeply from where you are into a deep fog bank that makes the actual height of the mountain impossible to gauge.  You'll never see more than a few meters forward at a time.  But you got this far.  A lot of people never do.  They can't even admit they're climbing a mountain despite all the evidence to the contrary.  Keep climbing.  You will lose people in the fog behind you.  But there are more interesting people you've never met on the other side of the fog up ahead. 

There's an E. L. Doctorow quote about writing that I like in this context.  "It's like driving a car at night.  You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."  Think of a session as the scope of your headlights at a given time.  It will make the other decisions you need to make easier to grasp.

I approve. 

[franknot]

16 hours ago, kevybaby said:

 And you'll learn that you can trust a mistress and then the anxiety won't be so unhealthy in the future and it will just be excitement moreso. That takes time though. I generally feel safer now at Fortress than anywhere else in the world honestly, and that definitely wasn't true at the beginning for me. Whenever I session with Mistress Zito now especially I feel so safe it's unbelievable.

kevy...

I'm in complete agreement ... Trust & Confidence ... they are essential to relaxing and will come easily if you open your mind.

For me, The Fortress is kind of a sacred place, that I trust completely.

Not only safe, as you've noted, but the "Fortress Bubble" is a sanctuary where i can confess or reveal literally anything from my past ... or even any embarrassing humiliation I might hope (or fear) to one day to experience.

Needless to say, i have no one in my life that i could share any of this with,.. and i wasn't close to being able to let my vanilla therapist into my kink-space. 

Yet exposing myself to Ms. Jin ...(a casual stranger that i somehow trust completely)... is cathartic.

I don't think I've ever lived a "pathetic" minute in my vanilla life, but being somewhat pathetic with Ms. Jin is comforting to me ... (she once told me that she prefers her subs that way). The fact that my she might discuss my private thoughts with the other mistresses is not at all troublesome,.. it's more of an enhancement ... where she might get further insight or suggestions on my treatment ... Or just have a good laugh at my expense.

So, ... welcome strangers ... enter the bubble knowing you are absolutely safe to explore and experience.

[GDH94]

On 1/14/2020 at 7:38 PM, kevybaby said:

Anyway for advice I would just address the anxiety before sessions and say that I'm always anxious before sessions pretty much. The few times I wasn't that anxious before sessions were in some ways my least favorite sessions. You're supposed to be anxious. If there are things that should cause anxiety in a normal person, going to a dominatrix should certainly be one of them. And you'll learn that you can trust a mistress and then the anxiety won't be so unhealthy in the future and it will just be excitement moreso. That takes time though. I generally feel safer now at Fortress than anywhere else in the world honestly, and that definitely wasn't true at the beginning for me. Whenever I session with Mistress Zito now especially I feel so safe it's unbelievable. Anyway this post is too long but just dive in yeah. See how it goes. 

That's interesting. Is there any particular reason that those sessions you weren't anxious prior to happened to be your least favorite sessions? 

[kevybaby]

14 hours ago, GDH94 said:

That's interesting. Is there any particular reason that those sessions you weren't anxious prior to happened to be your least favorite sessions? 

It's the easiest thing in the world to just session without fear at all because you've got your safeword handy and you're just going to sit back and enjoy the experience... but I think that's an incredible ugly and shallow way to session. So if I approach sessions more thinking about how I'm going to work to try to be a good sub (which I'm terrible at) and actually please a mistress or mistresses, then I get anxious because I know I'll fall way short. But at least I'm trying and if they see that then maybe, just maybe, the session can actually be worth something. If I think of a session as something I'm just getting (which I think is so ugly it's unbelievable), it's not worth a fraction as much as it can be if I actually try to contribute whatever I can from myself to the session. Maybe everything I'm saying is obvious and this is actually a unique problem that only I've run into because I'm a lazy, useless, selfish, asshole - but yeah that kind of mindset has been a big difference between my favorite and my least favorite sessions. 

[job1617]

My best advice would be to go slow. What you see on a video may turn you on but when it is completely different your first time. Communicate with your Mistress that you are new and anything you are feeling. Fear, nervousness, excitement, uncertainty. Let her know 1-2 things that you think you would enjoy. Then give it a try. You can even ask if it is done a certain way according to your preference to make it easier. Communication is key. No one is a mind reader, No Domme would want to try something that would upset you.

One last thing, Who says that a session has to begin the moment the Domme walks into the room? One of the many things I like about the Fortress is the ladies  go over things before the session begins. If you are really freezing up don't move forward. Spend as much time as you want talking to the Domme to put yourself at ease. If you have a 2 hour session use whatever time you feel necessary to get into the right mind set. If you communicate trust will build up naturally. Then she can be beside you on your journey.

Steven

(Good Boy)

[Mistress Megan Ang]

On 1/16/2020 at 10:28 AM, job1617 said:

My best advice would be to go slow. What you see on a video may turn you on but when it is completely different your first time. Communicate with your Mistress that you are new and anything you are feeling. Fear, nervousness, excitement, uncertainty. Let her know 1-2 things that you think you would enjoy. Then give it a try. You can even ask if it is done a certain way according to your preference to make it easier. Communication is key. No one is a mind reader, No Domme would want to try something that would upset you.

One last thing, Who says that a session has to begin the moment the Domme walks into the room? One of the many things I like about the Fortress is the ladies  go over things before the session begins. If you are really freezing up don't move forward. Spend as much time as you want talking to the Domme to put yourself at ease. If you have a 2 hour session use whatever time you feel necessary to get into the right mind set. If you communicate trust will build up naturally. Then she can be beside you on your journey.

Steven

(Good Boy)

This was surprisingly great advice. I hope newbies review this advice.

[Mistress Ivy Lovelace]

On 1/16/2020 at 10:28 AM, job1617 said:

My best advice would be to go slow. What you see on a video may turn you on but when it is completely different your first time. Communicate with your Mistress that you are new and anything you are feeling. Fear, nervousness, excitement, uncertainty. Let her know 1-2 things that you think you would enjoy. Then give it a try. You can even ask if it is done a certain way according to your preference to make it easier. Communication is key. No one is a mind reader, No Domme would want to try something that would upset you.

One last thing, Who says that a session has to begin the moment the Domme walks into the room? One of the many things I like about the Fortress is the ladies  go over things before the session begins. If you are really freezing up don't move forward. Spend as much time as you want talking to the Domme to put yourself at ease. If you have a 2 hour session use whatever time you feel necessary to get into the right mind set. If you communicate trust will build up naturally. Then she can be beside you on your journey.

Steven

(Good Boy)

I agree 100 percent!! I feel that a lot of newcomers feel an urge to begin playing asap, but its actually necessary for the best outcome. I understand how excited or nervous they may be but communication definitely is key. It also builds some sort of trust which always makes playing enjoyable for everyone

[Dannyboy]

On 1/14/2020 at 7:38 PM, kevybaby said:

What have you seen change over time in professional domination? I feel like chastity has become much more popular in just the last few years but I'm not sure if I've noticed anything else so specific or obvious. So glad at the rise of chastity (at least in my perception) though because chastity is the best (and worst obviously).

Anyway for advice I would just address the anxiety before sessions and say that I'm always anxious before sessions pretty much. The few times I wasn't that anxious before sessions were in some ways my least favorite sessions. You're supposed to be anxious. If there are things that should cause anxiety in a normal person, going to a dominatrix should certainly be one of them. And you'll learn that you can trust a mistress and then the anxiety won't be so unhealthy in the future and it will just be excitement moreso. That takes time though. I generally feel safer now at Fortress than anywhere else in the world honestly, and that definitely wasn't true at the beginning for me. Whenever I session with Mistress Zito now especially I feel so safe it's unbelievable. Anyway this post is too long but just dive in yeah. See how it goes. 

kevy.....

I wrote a response weeks ago and by the time I was ready to submit it I lost it for reasons unknown. So just to paraphrase...... The methods of contacting Mistresses then were either through magazines or publications like Screw. No world-wide web. Dungeons were few and far between. Some Mistresses sessioned in their own rooms or apartments. Others worked in houses of prostitution and did S & M as a specialty. Sexual contact of one kind or another was frequently available and expected. It was after Guiliani became Mayor and decided to clean up Times Square and the city that S & M providers, acting out of self-preservation, began to distinguish their services as different from prostitution and eliminated many activities formerly common. Also in the earlier days there were no real standards in the practice of S & M. Some subs would have horrible experiences from some Mistresses and would exit the scene because of them. There evolved some consistency in the S & M industry and the concept of Safe, Sane and Consensual was commonly adopted. The creation of the Fortress brought to fruition a higher level concept in S & M.  It was Jessy's dream when I first met her and her greatness is forever etched in the annals of the scene.

As to anxiety, we all have it. Some more, some less. We never know if our fantasies will be matched by reality. Most of us take that step anyway.

Dannyboy

[kevybaby]

On 3/9/2020 at 4:38 PM, Dannyboy said:

kevy.....

I wrote a response weeks ago and by the time I was ready to submit it I lost it for reasons unknown. So just to paraphrase...... The methods of contacting Mistresses then were either through magazines or publications like Screw. No world-wide web. Dungeons were few and far between. Some Mistresses sessioned in their own rooms or apartments. Others worked in houses of prostitution and did S & M as a specialty. Sexual contact of one kind or another was frequently available and expected. It was after Guiliani became Mayor and decided to clean up Times Square and the city that S & M providers, acting out of self-preservation, began to distinguish their services as different from prostitution and eliminated many activities formerly common. Also in the earlier days there were no real standards in the practice of S & M. Some subs would have horrible experiences from some Mistresses and would exit the scene because of them. There evolved some consistency in the S & M industry and the concept of Safe, Sane and Consensual was commonly adopted. The creation of the Fortress brought to fruition a higher level concept in S & M.  It was Jessy's dream when I first met her and her greatness is forever etched in the annals of the scene.

As to anxiety, we all have it. Some more, some less. We never know if our fantasies will be matched by reality. Most of us take that step anyway.

Dannyboy

That's really interesting, thanks. I wish Elliott Spitzer with the whole scandal he had would have just owned it and been like "Yeah I do it and I enjoy it and I'll continue to do it." And then UN-cleaned up Times Square that Guilliani previously cleaned up and made NY once again a breeding ground of debauchery and sin. Would have been cool if he'd done that. But I'm not surprised he didn't and I guess people by and large don't like that probably

[nrg359]

On 1/14/2020 at 1:33 AM, Mistress Megan Ang said:

Curious subs are always browsing our forum anticipating decisions and getting anxiety. Do any of you experienced subs have some advice you would’ve appreciated as a beginner?

I would say to both trust your mistress and to remember that it takes time to develop rapport.
One frequent experience I have is to see a video and think that looks hot, and then realize IRL that its actually a lot more painful to do than I can handle!
So go slow, and dont bite off more than you can chew. And remember that you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position with someone new, and it will take time to develop rapport and comfort. Adjust your expectations accordingly.
Also, you will find most skilled dommes, like all the Fortress ladies, can anticipate and predict your responses, and that giving them more info makes this easier. So try not to 'script' your session too much in your first emails. Give them enough info to understand your perspective, but not so much that they can't deviate from your script at all based on their intuition during the session.
Tell the Fortress what you want to do, what you like, how you think about it, and so forth, and trust them to be able to adjust during the session based on your response and facial expressions.