50 Shades of Grey; the childhood reunion discussion

[Mistress Choi]

Very recently (this past weekend), I took a little trip to my hometown in Western NY on the way to a music festival in Toronto. Nothing would do but to put together an impromptu reunion with people I haven't seen in roughly a decade. Including one of my very first boyfriends, who happens to be the first boy I ever tied up. With the exception of him, my friends were/are all more or less vanilla, and fairly innocent in our youth.

 

I'm not quite sure how it happened, but the book 50 Shades of Grey comes up in conversation. Not just once, or at one place, but at both dinner and the after dinner drinks bar. We kept it reasonably clean at dinner, jokingly talking about the horrible writing and the Gilbert Gottfried narrated youtube video. However, once the celebratory reunion drinks start running more freely...the conversation gets a bit more in depth. I love that I discovered that my childhood friends all have a little freak living inside of them! Although, the highlight of the night had to be my oldest friend at the table saying:

 

"Well, guys, the reason that the book is so hot is because it voices everything that ALL females want! We want to have our hair pulled, be shoved against a wall, and taken! We just don't know how to ask for it. And guys want to do it too but they're afraid that we will freak out." All round the table, my girlfriends nod in agreement. Surprisingly, I am not the one to disagree - boy the first is. "I disagree - not all men want to do that - I want it to be done to me!" Silence. He shrugs, looks at me, and says "I'm submissive." Happily, another of my girls jumped in saying "Well, that explains why my boyfriend got so excited the first time he saw my handcuffs on my bedpost."

 

What a way to bond!

[blackstalian]

Surprisingly, I am not the one to disagree - boy the first is. "I disagree - not all men want to do that - I want it to be done to me!" Silence. He shrugs, looks at me, and says "I'm submissive." Happily, another of my girls jumped in saying "Well, that explains why my boyfriend got so excited the first time he saw my handcuffs on my bedpost."

 

does Boy happen to know about your interests? and were you at VELD @ downsview with deadmau5 & crew? couldn't even get tickets for that one, sold out!

 

anyways, here's a story from back in the playground days:

during recess, we'd play a game of "Prisoner", where the boys were hunted, tagged by the girls, and sent to "prison" (a small nook under the steps) until they were "rescued" by another boy or punished & released by the girls at the end of the game.

 

I could easily outrun most of the kids, but I'd run just slow enough to be a good little prey; it got me in jail every time. And any boy sharing a cell with me was usually completely uninterested in staying there, and would duck out against the rules when the girls weren't looking. I'd get a quizzical look trying to explain to them why we absolutely had to stay there no matter what until the girls came back to punish & release us.

 

Even when it was clear the girls completely got sidetracked (by the latest polly pocket or my little pony or whatever was hot then) and weren't playing anymore, I'd stay in my cell the entire recess.

 

I never understood why I enjoyed being such easy prey in a game of evasion. Something about the anticipation of what would happen to me when the girls returned with their punishments...

 

-

[Jeriko13]

Wings? Was it at Duffs or Anchor Bar? Don't say Buffalo Wild Wings

[Mistress Choi]

blackstalian,

 

Yes, he knows haha. It's all his "fault", even if was over a decade ago! And yes, I was at VELD. It was a semi last minute decision but there were no issues getting tickets a couple weeks beforehand. I saw a few people trying to buy wristbands outside of the park though. As far as festivals go, it was pretty small but a lot of fun!

 

Thanks for sharing your story! How fun - we just pelted balls at each other, til the boys would cry and I'd get in trouble.

 

does Boy happen to know about your interests? and were you at VELD @ downsview with deadmau5 & crew? couldn't even get tickets for that one, sold out!

 

Does anyone else have childhood stories of this bend to share with us?? :grin:

[Mistress Haru]

I remember in elementary school I used to have a kid follow me around all the time. I would kick him to the ground and flip him on his back every time he tried to give me a gift...

 

We ran into each other again in high school and needless to say, the pattern hadn't changed

[Nyclatex]

Veld was insane! As for tickets they kept releasing them in sets so they released the last few thousand the week before the fest.

 

I can't believe M Choi was there.

 

Deadmau5 clip I found. I have better but this gives you a feel for the energy. And he has the whole set list in the notes:

 

 

As for fifty shades. It so embarrassing to hear these tame girls saying things like your friend, M Choi. I know I've heard similar convos myself. I usually need to just shut my trap before I out myself though! They may all say stuff like that but idk if they really mean it. And as a guy I know I'm usually scared shitless to try it for fear of getting arrested! G-d bless the FF for giving us all a safe place to let our freak flags fly.

 

 

[wild willie]

very small here back in 66 i had a crush on a girl in school i kept picking on her poking her in the nose. She grabbed my finger and bit it hard crushing the nail i was in love

[spankbri]

I think it's pretty clear that the larger percentage of women are submissives and the larger percentage of men are dominant, but it's a pretty loose and fluid pattern. What interests me most is that from my experience there's no way you can tell from someone's personality which role they prefer. Has anyone else noticed the huge disconnect between the sexual kink and the personality? I have to admit the whole thing baffles me.

[wild willie]

I think it's pretty clear that the larger percentage of women are submissives and the larger percentage of men are dominant, but it's a pretty loose and fluid pattern. What interests me most is that from my experience there's no way you can tell from someone's personality which role they prefer. Has anyone else noticed the huge disconnect between the sexual kink and the personality? I have to admit the whole thing baffles me.

the only thing i have noticed spank is........the women i have dated who would not do this kink had baggage due to being spanked as kids. Even tho they where safe just the sound of a belt bothered them. The 3 ladies who tried to this life style for me had grown up in a family with no cp so they had no fears.

[Mistress Kang]

I think it's pretty clear that the larger percentage of women are submissives and the larger percentage of men are dominant, but it's a pretty loose and fluid pattern. What interests me most is that from my experience there's no way you can tell from someone's personality which role they prefer. Has anyone else noticed the huge disconnect between the sexual kink and the personality? I have to admit the whole thing baffles me.

 

I disagree- I think sexual kink and personalities are tightly linked. People may have different "personalities" with different groups in their lives- ie: family, significant others, acquaintances, best friends, school friends, work associates, etc... My guess is that their "real" selves would be the one that comes out when they are with their best/closest friend(s), not necessarily their significant others.

[spankbri]

I'm sure you have more experience with it than I do, but all I know is at a few spanking parties or trying to hook up with people, I could never figure out the sub/dom persuasion without being told. I've been surprised at how many socially dominant personalities want to be spanked, how many fade into the woodwork types want to be on top, but it was totally random. The socially dominant sexual submissives may use their traits to encourage spanking situations while the socially dominant sexual dominants do the obvious. The social submissives are a harder group to read...I think most people would read them as sexual submissives but be surprised to find it's not always the case...usually only after a comfort level is reached in the bedroom.

[Mistress Choi]

Jeriko! Duh not Buffalo Wild Wings - ewwwwww. I personally prefer Duff's, the original one - as the new franchises which have popped up kind of suck, as I hear tell. Anchor Bar is good, but you can't beat Duff's. I can't believe how hot they are though - after suffering through what passes for hot wings here in NYC, yowza!

 

Wings? Was it at Duffs or Anchor Bar? Don't say Buffalo Wild Wings

 

Nyclatex, I should have figured you would be there, with your fistpumping obsession! I met up with friends from all over North America there and had a total blast dancing in the rain. I was waiting for the stage to be struck with lightning, but I'm so happy it wasn't. Thanks for posting that clip - it's great that you can see the rain pounding down. I loved the giant demon tentacle face during deadmau5's set - creepy and fantastic :-)

 

Veld was insane! As for tickets they kept releasing them in sets so they released the last few thousand the week before the fest.

 

I can't believe M Choi was there.

 

Deadmau5 clip I found. I have better but this gives you a feel for the energy. And he has the whole set list in the notes:

 

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As for fifty shades. It so embarrassing to hear these tame girls saying things like your friend, M Choi. I know I've heard similar convos myself. I usually need to just shut my trap before I out myself though! They may all say stuff like that but idk if they really mean it. And as a guy I know I'm usually scared shitless to try it for fear of getting arrested! G-d bless the FF for giving us all a safe place to let our freak flags fly.

[Mistress Choi]

spankbri,

 

I think that you've made a generalization that isn't necessarily true. Granted, I see the world through Domme-tinted glasses...but even women who seem submissive can be much stronger inside than you would think. As all us lovely ladies here know, many men who present themselves to the world at large as dominant, are not - or prefer to surrender themselves to a Domina's tender mercy in their deeper personal lives. Add them to the amount of men who are outwardly submissive, and the split isn't as extreme as you may think. Perhaps you just haven't learned how to read kinky people yet - as someone who experiments with both sides, it can be hard to definitively read vibes. It can be found in little things, like a quick, calculating glance, or how one reacts to having someone of the opposite sex step closer to them. What I really find amusing is how many men are so quick to assume that stereotypes are truth set in stone - like the "all Asian women are submissive" thing! LOL!

 

 

I think it's pretty clear that the larger percentage of women are submissives and the larger percentage of men are dominant, but it's a pretty loose and fluid pattern. What interests me most is that from my experience there's no way you can tell from someone's personality which role they prefer. Has anyone else noticed the huge disconnect between the sexual kink and the personality? I have to admit the whole thing baffles me.

[spankbri]

I think you are indeed seeing things through femdom eyes. At the spanking parties I've been to the split is roughly 75/25 by sex. On the internet spanking dating sites it seems to be more like 90/10. Popular literature swings the same way: the pulp romance novels conform to the stereotype for a reason - a bigger market. Sorry, but my generalization stands.

 

I think the FF is successful because it provides something much harder to find in everyday life than the male dom/female sub pattern. Do the math: if my 75/25 estimation is correct, the chances of a couple matching up both the smaller percentages is only 1 out of 16. The market arises from numerical frustration.

 

I left switches out. Complicates the math slightly but you can throw it in a 3x3 table and get the probabilities for all combinations.

 

Not sure where you read me to say female (or male) submissives are not strong. It's by far the harder role and takes courage. Women submissives are especially courageous to submit to those who are typically larger and stronger than they are. And as I said the sexual submissives are typically not socially submissive: on the internet I'm typically approached by as many submissive women as those I seek out and respond to me.

[spankbri]

I should clarify: by 'sexually submissive or dominant' I'm referring only to the spanking component, not to how sexually aggressive someone is. nearly everyone wants a sexually aggressive partner!

[forteounce]

What I really find amusing is how many men are so quick to assume that stereotypes are truth set in stone - like the "all Asian women are submissive" thing! LOL!

You mean they aren't?!

[rollotomasi]

spankbri, had you been talking about BDSM in general, I would have said that the examples you give (clubs, internet porn, romance novels) have more to do with long standing gender roles than who likes to dominate (and, of course, the fact the men love porn!). Also, I'd point out that control freaks are likely to go either way, sometimes both ways. Paraphrasing Marilyn Chambers, show me an S and I'll show you an M. I think things are fluid and becoming more so, as gender roles continue to loosen.

 

as to spanking in particular, any bias is probably due to the almost infinite capacity of men to fetishize, especially on God's greatest gift, the female bottom. Yes, women claim to like male buttocks, but I don't believe they can muster the obsessive, singleminded devotion that men effortlessly bring to their objects of desire. Women generally need more than a body part or article of clothing. Anyway, that's my theory.

 

childhood story: I was 8 or 9 and two girls in their early teens came towards me as I was playing on the side walk. They ordered me out of their way, saying they would teach me a lesson if I did not move. So, being a little bratty, I threw a rock more or less in their direction. In part, it was a macho defense of all things "boy" from the usurption of power by, as I thought then, mere girls. But even then I knew what I really wanted was for them to teach me a lesson, even though I had no idea what that might mean. Alas, they just yelled at me and passed by, leaving me unpunished and seemingly triumphant...and extremely disappointed. Someday, I will get over it.

[spankbri]

May explain why our two very experienced ladies who have commented see things more balanced while the relatively inexperienced me sees the more stereotypical pattern. They play with folks more 'loosened up' and able to be themselves. I'd like to see parity between the sexes, but haven't experienced it in this particular playing field as yet.

[Mistress Kang]

The hardcore lifestyle femme-subs I've met are tough as nails. Their limits are firm and are not afraid to say "no". I believe the reason for this is self-preservation. They prefer hardcore play, not furry handcuffs with the occasional love tap, without rules they risk injury beyond pleasure.

 

P.S. I've come to the realization that I'm just an extremist in almost every way- I'm sitting here at my desk drinking my usual smoothie and a hot coffee at the same time. Either I'm an extremist or I can't make up my mind LOL

[spankbri]

Thanks for the insights, all. I rather feel that SM is clearer to navigate than the vanilla scene, where I have still to crack the mystery code of picking women up in bars! Too many unwritten rules and panic buttons, while in SM things by necessity are better defined.

 

Rollo - I think you nailed it for me: the closer to the vanilla world the more things will conform to social stereotypes, almost by definition. And yes, the female posterior is truly a heavenly artifact.

[rollotomasi]

Amen!

[spankbri]

I suggest there's enough intellectual firepower (and obvious experience) among the fortress ladies that one of them at least should capitalize on this new publishing phenomenon and write a femdom answer to 50 shades. I'm sure it would be a much more interesting book than the pap that's out there now.

 

Base it close to reality, I think that's why 50 shades was able to cross over.

[Mistress Kang]

Rollo- I agree

spankbri, had you been talking about BDSM in general, I would have said that the examples you give (clubs, internet porn, romance novels) have more to do with long standing gender roles than who likes to dominate (and, of course, the fact the men love porn!). Also, I'd point out that control freaks are likely to go either way, sometimes both ways. Paraphrasing Marilyn Chambers, show me an S and I'll show you an M. I think things are fluid and becoming more so, as gender roles continue to loosen.

 

as to spanking in particular, any bias is probably due to the almost infinite capacity of men to fetishize, especially on God's greatest gift, the female bottom. Yes, women claim to like male buttocks, but I don't believe they can muster the obsessive, singleminded devotion that men effortlessly bring to their objects of desire. Women generally need more than a body part or article of clothing. Anyway, that's my theory.

 

childhood story: I was 8 or 9 and two girls in their early teens came towards me as I was playing on the side walk. They ordered me out of their way, saying they would teach me a lesson if I did not move. So, being a little bratty, I threw a rock more or less in their direction. In part, it was a macho defense of all things "boy" from the usurption of power by, as I thought then, mere girls. But even then I knew what I really wanted was for them to teach me a lesson, even though I had no idea what that might mean. Alas, they just yelled at me and passed by, leaving me unpunished and seemingly triumphant...and extremely disappointed. Someday, I will get over it.

 

rollo- I agree that easier for men to obsess over a woman's buttocks than it is for us to obsess over a man's. However, I personally obsess over muscular men's backs, specifically in a flexed pose, or in a relaxed pose from a downward view My Android holds my own perverted version of a Little Black Book which I call my "Big Back Book" Cell cam pic after cell cam pic of "slut conquests" flexing their back muscles for me *siiiigh*

 

I love your childhood story too It sounds to me like you wanted more attention from them than you actually received in their fulfilling their "threat" of teaching you a lesson. I don't necessarily believe there was a defining D/s element to it- do you?

 

Although I don't really even know much about you- my guess is that you are a bottom and possibly a switch by necessity (not by choice). Am I correct?

[Big Trouble Baby]

Rollo- I agree

 

 

rollo- I agree that easier for men to obsess over a woman's buttocks than it is for us to obsess over a man's. However, I personally obsess over muscular men's backs, specifically in a flexed pose, or in a relaxed pose from a downward view

 

Hmm! Guess I'll have to start working on the lat spead.

[Big Trouble Baby]

Hmm! Guess I'll have to start working on the lat spead.

 

 

Make that lat spread.