Negotiating a scene: Email vs In person

[jpcpat]

I tend to negotiate scenes mostly in person. When I’m emailing, I don’t want to make the mistress read pages of detail. In practice, keep it short and simple, just limits, areas of play, and anything that might need prep. In person I sort of introduce myself as a submissive and cover a few details.

 

 

What do my fellow subbies prefer: Communicate as much as possible by email ahead of time, or communicate face to face? Also, are some subjects best covered by one method or the other?

 

How much do the Fortress Mistresses want to know before they walk in that door to start kicking my ass? Do you prefer a detailed email, or does verbal negotiation give you a better feel for things?

[joh]

I usually tell them what I like as I walk down the street on the phone. A little awkward on crowded streets but it's part of the fun. U end up divulging more in person anyways

[skeech2]

I prefer to e-mail a scenario and interests at least a few days prior to a session especially if it is a first time meeting. That allows for the scenario to start right away and avoids my tendency to choke in the presence of beautiful dominants. Not sure if the dommes prefer that or not but they at least have the opportunity to plan.

 

I had a recent experience with an independent domme in which I arranged for several months of back and forth e-mails that explored my interests and hers. I agreed to compensate her for time and responses and we developed a scenario together. It was one of the most anticipated sessions I have ever had and resulted in one of the most fulfilling. I viewed the additional expense as session insurance.

 

I have been exploring for over 15 years now and have had many "first" sessions and several 2nd and 3rd sessions where too much time had elapsed to continue any rhythm developed in the previous session. I live in a remote area where the BDSM scene is non-existent so am limited to playing during business travel. Communication via e-mail and via this forum have helped me expand much more in the past two years than in the previous 13.

 

 

 

[Outcast]

I prefer doing it by e-mail myself. Usually when in the room waiting I'm nervous and excited so my articulation level is pretty low. In an e-mail I try to be brief and to the point. Maybe a paragraph or two describing what o would like to do. Also, I try not to be rigid in my requests. They are really just "suggestions" and open to interpretation and improvisation. So far so good. Although there is a thrill talking about different activities before hand. Hearing the Mistresses describe what we might do is very hot.

[siggy]

this is an interesting topic.

 

In the beginning I would write very long, detailed emails the week before the session, covering the basics and the details of all my secret desires. After a while I came to feel that the sessions were too scripted and didn't allow for anything organic or spontaneous to happen. sometimes good things happen spontaneously, in the dynamic between two people, that cannot be predicted beforehand, so I was thinking that my detailed emails were restricting the sessions. for a while I had just general emails ahead of time. this worked well too.

 

lately, I had some nuanced interests that probably couldn't be communicated well through email, so I wanted to discuss it with the mistress in the session, but almost every time MTran would walk in and beat me up pretty thoroughly before I was able to start a discussion, lol. One time she did permit me to speak about my interests and what I would like to try in the session, but really it was difficult to do. She was just inches from my face and forced me to reveal what secret desires I wanted to explore. It was not easy to say these things naked in front of a beautiful woman, so I choked and couldn't say much….so she threw me down, tied me and beat me up anyway!

 

 

siggy

[wild willie]

I just email ........very short. A few sentences of what i am looking for then let them take over. I really want to be careful about making an order off menu like a resteraunt.

[jpcpat]

Usually when in the room waiting I'm nervous and excited so my articulation level is pretty low.

 

Same for me. It's partly why I started the thread.

 

Although there is a thrill talking about different activities before hand. Hearing the Mistresses describe what we might do is very hot.

 

I couldn't agree more!

[Nyclatex]

Email def gets it off the ground then clarifying a few details in person the first time out helps as well, but consistent sessions w one domme seems to work for me. Like anything in life, I feel a session needs to be a little give and take. M Choi has a good feel for what I can and cannot deal w and what I'm looking for. At the same time she is alays able to nudge me a bit further down the rabbit hole each time I visit. Sharing that experience and exploration rather than a set script, which I can't say I fault other for wanting, is a big part of the fun for me.

[Mistress Kang]

I think most of you guys have it right- general stuff over email and details in person. For the most part, we'd prefer more details during the booking process, not less. However, more details does not mean more specific. When scene "instructions" are too specific, the fun is lost and that defeats the whole idea of "playing"! I find that people are less inclined to be as specific when they're talking to someone face to face. Maybe a good rule of thumb would be- If you can make the same super-specific request in person, then (skip the email) please do so. We'll be more receptive to them in a conversation than we'd be reading it from an email or message being passed on, especially without a face behind it.

 

The above is most true for new visitors. After the your visit, you'll have a much better idea of how best to communicate with your Mistress.

 

If you've already visited the Fortress and it's your first time sessioning with another Player, then you've got a leg up! It's very likely that we've already heard about you in all your glory, how you are a sub- especially if she referred the other Mistress to you!