Is it a form of Cheating on Your Mistress?

[MisterWinerack]

I am relatively new to the scene but thank goodness I found the Fortress early on. The few times I've been there have been great and I've walk away wanting more and more. Maybe its just me (and believe me I completely know who the players are and what they are doing as well as my place as only a client), but if you session with the same Mistress more than once, you do so because you had a fanatastic time that you want to experience again and again, its because you made a connection with your Mistress, no? Accordingly, does anyone feel guilty / weird (whatever) the first time they session with another Mistress at the Fortress? Are you cheating? I can't hope to think what a next session would be like and how much further my current Mistress would push the limits to top the previous session but at the same time, a new Mistress with different style, likes, needs, desires and it may turn out not so good - its all so confusing and I might feel bad. I'm sure I'm over thinking this but any thoughts / comments would be appreciated.

 

MisterWinerack

[Big Trouble Baby]

I am relatively new to the scene but thank goodness I found the Fortress early on. The few times I've been there have been great and I've walk away wanting more and more. Maybe its just me (and believe me I completely know who the players are and what they are doing as well as my place as only a client), but if you session with the same Mistress more than once, you do so because you had a fanatastic time that you want to experience again and again, its because you made a connection with your Mistress, no? Accordingly, does anyone feel guilty / weird (whatever) the first time they session with another Mistress at the Fortress? Are you cheating? I can't hope to think what a next session would be like and how much further my current Mistress would push the limits to top the previous session but at the same time, a new Mistress with different style, likes, needs, desires and it may turn out not so good - its all so confusing and I might feel bad. I'm sure I'm over thinking this but any thoughts / comments would be appreciated.

 

MisterWinerack

 

 

MW

 

I felt exactly the same way. I had only seen Mistress Zhao for several sessions when I booked a session with Mistress Seung. I actually asked Ms Kang if I needed to ask Mistress Zhao's permission first. I did feel guilty from the beginning and even during my session with Ms Seung. I relieved my guilty feelings by returning to Ms Zhao and confessing my infidelities. She dealt with me appropriately.

 

Ray

[Dannyboy]

Accordingly, does anyone feel guilty / weird (whatever) the first time they session with another Mistress at the Fortress? Are you cheating? I can't hope to think what a next session would be like and how much further my current Mistress would push the limits to top the previous session but at the same time, a new Mistress with different style, likes, needs, desires and it may turn out not so good - its all so confusing and I might feel bad. I'm sure I'm over thinking this but any thoughts / comments would be appreciated.

 

MisterWinerack

 

MW:

 

When I first met Mistress Kang, pre-Fortress, I had a long-term relationship with a Japanese Mistress and another connection with a Chinese Mistress that was reestablished around the time the Fortress opened for sessions. I felt a great deal of guilt vis a vis the Japanese Mistress as we were and are still karmically connected. I feel less guilt with the Fortress Ladies because it's more like a happy family, LOL. Mistress Kang is always number 1 in my book and Vu is special for reasons stated over time in the Forum. Still I am always aware that choosing one is, in some sense, a rejection of all the others.

 

Dannyboy

[MisterWinerack]

Thanks for the feedback guys. I really appreciate it. And I was thinking exactly that about the family and all sister Mistresses and such and most definitely thought about confessing / asking permission. Also thinking about a double Mistress session maybe where some time overlaps and have some alone time also. Thanks again. Wonder what the Mistresses think.

[Mistress Ree]

Mister Winerack (haha at first i thought it was Winecrack, lol),

 

I see relationships with subs as any other intimate relationship. There's long term, short term, open and "one session stands" so to speak. However in my mind to see a particular sub "monogamously" would color our relationship with a much greater degree of intimacy. In that regard, to have him see another Mistress would indeed feel like cheating to me. Even more so if it were kept hidden. If it were mentioned and explained to me (i.e. curiosity about another Mistress' style, etc) humbly however, i'm sure i would understand. There would still be some punishment, as a matter of course, but nothing so hellish.

 

Now if a sub who was monogamous to me tasted the "forbidden fruits" and then began seeing "the Other Mistress" as often as myself, i admit i would feel a little disgruntlement at having to share.

But if said sub left me completely for the Other Mistress it would be like any other intimate relationship in which one was dumped for another, and i would feel varying measures of rage, jealousy and sadness.

 

Of course, it would be different with a sub with whom i was not in a "monogamous" relationship with. I would not feel possessive of a sub if i knew we had an "open" relationship.

[MisterWinerack]

[Mistress Mina Jung]

If you had a deep connection with your Mistress, why is there a need to sess with another Mistress? That would be my first question. But if my sub came to me and discussed this I would be compassionate to his potential new experience. Maybe I'm not fulfilling something he desires and with some simple adjustments, we could eliminate his need to sess with another Mistress. But I would certainly expect him to come to be first before going and actually seeing another Mistress, out of sheer respect for me and OUR relationship.

 

However, if he went behind my back and saw another Mistress like a pathetic, disloyal coward, my reaction would be similar to that of Lucy Lui's in this scene from Kill Bill!!!! :twisted:

 

[Mistress Ahn]

Still I am always aware that choosing one is, in some sense, a rejection of all the others.

 

Dannyboy

 

I never considered it cheating until, this moment, right now.

 

Could be because I'm not the jealous type. I also believe the connections can be shared between several people. I don't understand why there has to be a distinction between the emotion you feel towards one mistress and the budding emotion you may feel towards another. It doesn't have to be a competition. Maybe I'm over simplifying, but its almost in the way you would choose a fine wine, or in the way you would choose to see one friend over another. Not that either wine you would choose is one you favor, or friend a friend you would choose over another, its just that sometimes you'd prefer one over the other depending on your mood (or maybe even both).

 

Or at least that was the way I used to see it, Dannyboy.

 

Now that I know that its a matter of being rejected :x :x :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

 

 

haha, j/k, I don't have the capacity to care about rejection.

[MisterWinerack]

I love your wine analogy Mistress Ahn, hence my nickname (obviously). Anyway, its good to hear the different opinions and I hope you have not changed yours. Have any of you Mistresses actually had this kind of discussion with your subs in session - has it come up at all or not at all?

[Mistress Vu]

Cheating? But have you told her everything you wanted, and you weren't happy afterwards? I feel like sometimes subs really don't express everything they want. We are not mind readers. So maybe you should communicate to her well, if she doesn't understand, or fails you, seeks out another Mistress.

 

Trial and error! That's what I remember from

school. If it's right, it's right!!!

 

From your post... I would tell your Mistress beforehand so she will plan the session. Or, you should see another Mistress and see how that goes!

 

Sorry to pry, but what about your previous Mistress that causes you to feel about "cheating" feelings?

[Dannyboy]

If you had a deep connection with your Mistress, why is there a need to sess with another Mistress? That would be my first question. But if my sub came to me and discussed this I would be compassionate to his potential new experience. Maybe I'm not fulfilling something he desires and with some simple adjustments, we could eliminate his need to sess with another Mistress. But I would certainly expect him to come to be first before going and actually seeing another Mistress, out of sheer respect for me and OUR relationship.

 

However, if he went behind my back and saw another Mistress like a pathetic, disloyal coward, my reaction would be similar to that of Lucy Lui's in this scene from Kill Bill!!!! :twisted:

 

 

Mistress Jung:

 

Thought provoking; I will respond at greater length when I have more time.

 

Dannyboy

[Dannyboy]

Still I am always aware that choosing one is, in some sense, a rejection of all the others.

 

Dannyboy

 

I never considered it cheating until, this moment, right now.

 

Could be because I'm not the jealous type. I also believe the connections can be shared between several people. I don't understand why there has to be a distinction between the emotion you feel towards one mistress and the budding emotion you may feel towards another. It doesn't have to be a competition. Maybe I'm over simplifying, but its almost in the way you would choose a fine wine, or in the way you would choose to see one friend over another. Not that either wine you would choose is one you favor, or friend a friend you would choose over another, its just that sometimes you'd prefer one over the other depending on your mood (or maybe even both).

 

Or at least that was the way I used to see it, Dannyboy.

 

Now that I know that its a matter of being rejected :x :x :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

 

 

haha, j/k, I don't have the capacity to care about rejection.

 

Mistress Ahn:

 

So little time right now and so much to say. My basic self is from an earlier generation where people were faithful to their mates, people lived happily ever after, there were Courts Law and the police protected you (now you come to me on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to commit murder for money, LOL)

 

Of course people always did what people always do but we may feel slightly different about it. Relationships take many forms and people expect from others no more than what they're willing to give. I'll elaborate later. Dannyboy

[Big Trouble Baby]

Still I am always aware that choosing one is, in some sense, a rejection of all the others.

 

Dannyboy

 

I never considered it cheating until, this moment, right now.

 

Could be because I'm not the jealous type. I also believe the connections can be shared between several people. I don't understand why there has to be a distinction between the emotion you feel towards one mistress and the budding emotion you may feel towards another. It doesn't have to be a competition. Maybe I'm over simplifying, but its almost in the way you would choose a fine wine, or in the way you would choose to see one friend over another. Not that either wine you would choose is one you favor, or friend a friend you would choose over another, its just that sometimes you'd prefer one over the other depending on your mood (or maybe even both).

 

Or at least that was the way I used to see it, Dannyboy.

 

Now that I know that its a matter of being rejected :x :x :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil:

 

 

haha, j/k, I don't have the capacity to care about rejection.

 

Mistress Ahn:

 

(now you come to me on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to commit murder for money, LOL)

 

Dannyboy:

 

I wonder if anyone else knows where this quote is from?

 

Ray

[Mistress Ahn]

 

Mistress Ahn:

 

(now you come to me on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to commit murder for money, LOL)

 

Dannyboy:

 

I wonder if anyone else knows where this quote is from?

 

Ray

 

Everyone knows where that line is from!

 

Best done with cheeks stuffed with cotton while stroking your chin.

[Mistress Ree]

Mister Winerack,

 

Oh wow. I didn't realize my response would open up such a stream! I suppose a "monogamous" relationship with a sub would be after several visits and he has expressed very deep attachment to the point of excluding other Mistresses. A sub with that mindset towards his Mistress would most likely feel a certain amount of guilt sessioning with another, but he is the one that has caused it so. Even if i were to feel "cheated on" i would never guilt trip a sub over having seen someone else. However, i must make it clear that i am speaking about this theoretically. I have yet to be in a "monogamous" relationship with a sub, but this is how i believe i would respond in such a situation. (Of course, this "monogamous" relationship with subs is not actually monogamous at all, on the Mistresses side.). I also think that Ahn's comparison of Mistresses with fine wines is a very good example, because Mistresses are all different in personality and style. Like any other type of human relationship there are infinite shades of gray in thought and feeling. It is impossible and ridiculous to say there are rules and standards because everyone is different and interacts differently with different people. And as far as i am aware there no jealousies concerning subs at the Fortress.

[Big Trouble Baby]

 

Mistress Ahn:

 

(now you come to me on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to commit murder for money, LOL)

 

Dannyboy:

 

I wonder if anyone else knows where this quote is from?

 

Ray

 

Everyone knows where that line is from!

 

Best done with cheeks stuffed with cotton while stroking your chin.

 

 

I thought it was cotton stuck on your chin while stroking your cheeks.

[whiplash]

I am relatively new to the scene but thank goodness I found the Fortress early on. The few times I've been there have been great and I've walk away wanting more and more. Maybe its just me (and believe me I completely know who the players are and what they are doing as well as my place as only a client), but if you session with the same Mistress more than once, you do so because you had a fanatastic time that you want to experience again and again, its because you made a connection with your Mistress, no? Accordingly, does anyone feel guilty / weird (whatever) the first time they session with another Mistress at the Fortress? Are you cheating? I can't hope to think what a next session would be like and how much further my current Mistress would push the limits to top the previous session but at the same time, a new Mistress with different style, likes, needs, desires and it may turn out not so good - its all so confusing and I might feel bad. I'm sure I'm over thinking this but any thoughts / comments would be appreciated.

 

MisterWinerack

 

Interesting perspective and fascinating to read. I came to the fortress with a different view because I was sessioning for at 9 years before I discovered Mistress Kang and the Fortress. I was involved in several long term relationships with pro-dommes and I came to Mistress Kang with an open mind and the hope that my passion for bdsm could be rekindled. It has been an amazing experience, more intense and fulfilling than I ever could have imagined when I first set foot in the fortress. So while I have those feelings of insecurity and unfaithfulness in the past it has been missing from my fortress experience because of the open mind and spirit of Mistress Kang.

 

She encouraged me to explore with different Mistresses and it has never felt like cheating. Yet whoever I see I always feel that Mistress Kang is my special Mistress without the slightest bit of conflict. Perhaps you will think differently with time but each of us has to learn from our own experiences.

 

whip

[MisterWinerack]

[MisterWinerack]

[monokuro]

Disclaimer: Someone is going to jump down my throat for this, and to Mister Winerack, I don't mean this in a cynical or offensive way. Mistress Kang, feel free to trounce me.

 

A dominant-submissive relationship, at least in my lens, isn't confined by the same constraints and limits of monogamous relationships. First off, you're talking about a relationship where there is more power and control entitled to one party over another, which doesn't constitute a full-fledged ideal monogamous relationship. (If you've stumbled into a state of confusion, don't feel bad, I am there myself. Skip the third paragraph, transitive theory may mess you up ) As both parties are not equal, it actually becomes understandable, and even justifiable that through restrictive elements in a relationship dissidence would occur. This dissidence happens to take the form of "cheating" in the eyes of certain users.

 

Using a monogamy perspective, or closed relationship, for a submissive to seek out another dominant to be considered cheating then by that same logic if the dominant interacts with another submissive that would technically make them the adulterer. Mistress Ree talked of a sub, theoretically, tasting the "forbidden fruit" which would effectively elevate the dominant-submissive relationship to a level near a truly monogamous relationship, which would then constitute cheating by varying definition.

 

A provider-client relationship doesn't hold the definition of cheating very well as often each interaction is on the basis of a business transaction. By this type of definition for infidelity, have you ever received an emotional call from Verizon sobbing into the phone "I saw you on the corner of 5th and Main with that AT&T hussy! How could you do that to me?" It doesn't work, intimate relationships are different than business relationships. We don't treat our clients strangely and they certainly don't apologize to us when they get another contractor to make sure someone doesn't jack their gear. If this is considered cheating for a client to seek out another provider perhaps for a new try or even just a change of pace, its business, it happens.

 

Those are my thoughts on the matter.

-Monokuro

[MisterWinerack]

Mister Winerack,

 

Oh wow. I didn't realize my response would open up such a stream! I suppose a "monogamous" relationship with a sub would be after several visits and he has expressed very deep attachment to the point of excluding other Mistresses. A sub with that mindset towards his Mistress would most likely feel a certain amount of guilt sessioning with another, but he is the one that has caused it so. Even if i were to feel "cheated on" i would never guilt trip a sub over having seen someone else. However, i must make it clear that i am speaking about this theoretically. I have yet to be in a "monogamous" relationship with a sub, but this is how i believe i would respond in such a situation. (Of course, this "monogamous" relationship with subs is not actually monogamous at all, on the Mistresses side.). I also think that Ahn's comparison of Mistresses with fine wines is a very good example, because Mistresses are all different in personality and style. Like any other type of human relationship there are infinite shades of gray in thought and feeling. It is impossible and ridiculous to say there are rules and standards because everyone is different and interacts differently with different people. And as far as i am aware there no jealousies concerning subs at the Fortress.

 

Mistress Ree, so you are suggesting that a sub express is feelings / connections to his Mistress to set the path to a monogamous relationship? Would that be during a session or before or after when the two really are not in "character"? I'm happy to read you think a sub can feel guilty for sessioning with another Mistress and I suspect no Mistress would really tell her sub that that she was upset with his actions but might you steer your next session with him down a more painful path? It seems that each situation is different and there are many factors to consider from both sides but most importantly, I am thrilled to hear that there are no jealousies with sub at the Fortress and that we can all tastes the many fine wines submitted for our enjoyment.

[MisterWinerack]

Interesting perspective and fascinating to read. I came to the fortress with a different view because I was sessioning for at 9 years before I discovered Mistress Kang and the Fortress. I was involved in several long term relationships with pro-dommes and I came to Mistress Kang with an open mind and the hope that my passion for bdsm could be rekindled. It has been an amazing experience, more intense and fulfilling than I ever could have imagined when I first set foot in the fortress. So while I have those feelings of insecurity and unfaithfulness in the past it has been missing from my fortress experience because of the open mind and spirit of Mistress Kang.

 

She encouraged me to explore with different Mistresses and it has never felt like cheating. Yet whoever I see I always feel that Mistress Kang is my special Mistress without the slightest bit of conflict. Perhaps you will think differently with time but each of us has to learn from our own experiences.

 

 

 

 

Thanks very much for the insight. It sounds as though you have actually found your Mother Mistress and at the same time in exploring and satisfying your own desires, you are satisfying those of Mistress Kang. The encouragement, openess, is refreshing and I hope, as you mentioned, that in time I will learn from these experiences and know what I desire and more importantly, know how to ask for it.

[MisterWinerack]

A dominant-submissive relationship, at least in my lens, isn't confined by the same constraints and limits of monogamous relationships. First off, you're talking about a relationship where there is more power and control entitled to one party over another, which doesn't constitute a full-fledged ideal monogamous relationship.

Using a monogamy perspective, or closed relationship, for a submissive to seek out another dominant to be considered cheating then by that same logic if the dominant interacts with another submissive that would technically make them the adulterer. Mistress Ree talked of a sub, theoretically, tasting the "forbidden fruit" which would effectively elevate the dominant-submissive relationship to a level near a truly monogamous relationship, which would then constitute cheating by varying definition.

 

A provider-client relationship doesn't hold the definition of cheating very well as often each interaction is on the basis of a business transaction. By this type of definition for infidelity, have you ever received an emotional call from Verizon sobbing into the phone "I saw you on the corner of 5th and Main with that AT&T hussy! How could you do that to me?" It doesn't work, intimate relationships are different than business relationships. We don't treat our clients strangely and they certainly don't apologize to us when they get another contractor to make sure someone doesn't jack their gear. If this is considered cheating for a client to seek out another provider perhaps for a new try or even just a change of pace, its business, it happens.

-Monokuro

 

Thanks for your thoughts. This topic has gone from the emotional aspect to the technical. I think the technical side is clear but its the emotional side thats confusing as a sub. If a connection has been made, and its mutual, its hard to ignore regardless of the technical circumstances applied.

[Guest]

Mister Winerack,

 

Oh wow. I didn't realize my response would open up such a stream! I suppose a "monogamous" relationship with a sub would be after several visits and he has expressed very deep attachment to the point of excluding other Mistresses. A sub with that mindset towards his Mistress would most likely feel a certain amount of guilt sessioning with another, but he is the one that has caused it so. Even if i were to feel "cheated on" i would never guilt trip a sub over having seen someone else. However, i must make it clear that i am speaking about this theoretically. I have yet to be in a "monogamous" relationship with a sub, but this is how i believe i would respond in such a situation. (Of course, this "monogamous" relationship with subs is not actually monogamous at all, on the Mistresses side.). I also think that Ahn's comparison of Mistresses with fine wines is a very good example, because Mistresses are all different in personality and style. Like any other type of human relationship there are infinite shades of gray in thought and feeling. It is impossible and ridiculous to say there are rules and standards because everyone is different and interacts differently with different people. And as far as i am aware there no jealousies concerning subs at the Fortress.

 

 

Ree, since you have been so "polygamous", would that make you (and other dommes alike) "a bit of a SLUT"? ;-)

[Guest]

A dominant-submissive relationship, at least in my lens, isn't confined by the same constraints and limits of monogamous relationships. First off, you're talking about a relationship where there is more power and control entitled to one party over another, which doesn't constitute a full-fledged ideal monogamous relationship.

Using a monogamy perspective, or closed relationship, for a submissive to seek out another dominant to be considered cheating then by that same logic if the dominant interacts with another submissive that would technically make them the adulterer. Mistress Ree talked of a sub, theoretically, tasting the "forbidden fruit" which would effectively elevate the dominant-submissive relationship to a level near a truly monogamous relationship, which would then constitute cheating by varying definition.

 

A provider-client relationship doesn't hold the definition of cheating very well as often each interaction is on the basis of a business transaction. By this type of definition for infidelity, have you ever received an emotional call from Verizon sobbing into the phone "I saw you on the corner of 5th and Main with that AT&T hussy! How could you do that to me?" It doesn't work, intimate relationships are different than business relationships. We don't treat our clients strangely and they certainly don't apologize to us when they get another contractor to make sure someone doesn't jack their gear. If this is considered cheating for a client to seek out another provider perhaps for a new try or even just a change of pace, its business, it happens.

-Monokuro

 

Thanks for your thoughts. This topic has gone from the emotional aspect to the technical. I think the technical side is clear but its the emotional side thats confusing as a sub. If a connection has been made, and its mutual, its hard to ignore regardless of the technical circumstances applied.

 

MisterWinerack, I'm pretty sure I know which Fortress domme you are referring to. And from what I understand, you're contemplating trying out a different style since you feel she's a bit limited in her style, correct? Without hurting anyone's feelings, you can always explain to me privately via email what it is you want to experience and I can honestly tell you if that is within her style. If it is, then I'd say go ahead and give it another shot. If it's not, I would tell you not waste your time, and recommend a suitable domme with whom I think you'd be able to experience what you could not with your current domme. Just so you know, we (at the Fortress) harbor no animosity or jealousy when it comes to having to share a sub for a reason such as your own. Makes no sense to continue with a relationship that is not giving you what you need when a solution is within your grasp and would be acceptable to your partner for the sake of keeping everyone happy. I'm sure your current domme will sense sooner or later that you are not completely happy with your playtime together and that you seem to want more. My feeling is there is no other domme here that can provide you with what your current domme already has, and your dabbling will only end you up with a wider variety of domination styles and the dommes they come with to enjoy.