Freud

[Mistress Fei]

Hi subs,

 

While reviewing some of Freud's cases this week, I couldn't help but get attached to a statement he made in his Dora case.

 

He says that fetishes, when repressed, lead to neurosis. To lead a neurosis free life, we can't repress that urge and must acknowledge, and confront it.

 

With that, I'd like to know your answers to the below:

 

What do you think about this statement?

 

What would your life be like if you did not explore bdsm?

 

What has your open exploration of bdsm done for you, is it helpful? Therapeutic? Not effective?

 

When did you first realize your urge and how?

 

What drove you to explore it?

 

I would like to know as much info as you are willing to provide. Feel free to PM me if you have that privilege and don't want to share answers publicly.

 

x Fei

[questionmarks]

Hi subs,

 

While reviewing some of Freud's cases this week, I couldn't help but get attached to a statement he made in his Dora case.

 

He says that fetishes, when repressed, lead to neurosis. To lead a neurosis free life, we can't repress that urge and must acknowledge, and confront it.

 

With that, I'd like to know your answers to the below:

 

What do you think about this statement?

 

What would your life be like if you did not explore bdsm?

 

What has your open exploration of bdsm done for you, is it helpful? Therapeutic? Not effective?

 

When did you first realize your urge and how?

 

What drove you to explore it?

 

I would like to know as much info as you are willing to provide. Feel free to PM me if you have that privilege and don't want to share answers publicly.

 

x Fei

 

Great questions, Mistress Fei! Sorry for the super long reply, I can't help myself

 

I would guess that for Freud the fetish is already (and only?) an expression of unconscious motivations (mother-love and -fear, etc), and, if so, I'm not sure I buy that story. I suspect I may take some issue with his conception of neurosis, too. That said, I can't argue that repressing desire is often harmful, especially if one is repressing it out of a sense of shame or the like.

 

I watched online bdsm videos (especially POV videos) for years before coming to the Fortress a few weeks ago, but I can't quite say when I first noticed my urges. (Actually, I wasn't totally sure that, as Mistress Koi put it, I "have a sub side" or am "what we call masochistic" until feeling the way I did, bound, looking up into her beautiful eyes as she wrapped her hands around my throat!) I was basically taught about sex by pop culture, porn, and my confused adolescent body. These were not great teachers, and I did not develop a very clear language for my sexuality.

 

For a long time I felt broken. I attached a psychoanalytic (though probably not entirely Freudian) meaning to my sexuality. In short, I thought the desire (say, to be slapped by a beautiful dominant woman) MEANT something, and that some unconscious motivation lurked underneath it and needed to be resolved. It felt like a secret that had to be divulged. (To a certain extent, I assumed the more mainstream of my desires were hints of health and integration and the fears or less mainstream desires were evidence of dissociation or shame, etc.)

 

I considered going to a dungeon every so often, but usually, after clicking around, everything I found online felt unsafe, plus I felt conflicted and confused, anyway. I wasn't trying to find a dungeon when I found the FF website (the look on Mistress Koi's face when I told her that I "stumbled upon it" was amazing, but it's true!). Being confronted with the possibility of living my fantasies has always been thrilling and scary. I kept clicking around the site and reading, expecting to feel that icky, unsafe feeling, but it never came. (It's a great site, and a super well-run business, I'm really impressed and grateful!) I was in Japan at the time, and I wasn't sure when I'd next be in NYC, but over the next few days I kept coming back to the site and imagining.

 

I'd started cultivating a sense of privacy. This is part of a big effortful shift in my thinking over the last few years, but long story short, most relevant for this post: rather than treat my desire as a secret pointing to some dark, hidden undercurrent of brokenness, I started teaching myself to just take it for what it is. (And, thus, to experience it as MINE. Sharing it - with Mistress Koi, with my girlfriend, with a friend, whomever - is a choice, not a requirement.) Sometimes that psychoanalytic impulse is correct, and/or at the very least useful. But sometimes the need to look under the surface just creates the fear that there is something lurking under the surface. I was more afraid of what my desires MEANT than I was of the desires themselves. So all that (plus the tingly feeling I got when looking at Mistress Koi's page over and over!) meant that when I got back to the States, I booked a trip to New York and to the Fortress.

 

My open exploration - or, at least, my session with Mistress Koi and my plan to return to the Fortress ASAP - has been really helpful for me. There's lots to share, but I've gone on long enough, so I'll keep it as short as I can. As far as I'm concerned I took the step to "open exploration" at the perfect time. Any earlier, and I would have interpreted my experience - positive, negative, mixed, whatever - in terms of the same suspicious structure (what secret hidden in my psyche does this point to??). Instead, it bolstered my growing capacity for just having things as they are. I enjoyed almost every second of my session with Mistress Koi, from the second she walked in to the moment we hugged, and over the next several days I watched with a mix of joy and sadness as the bite marks and scratch marks and whiplashes faded. It's not an exaggeration to say that, even after just the one session, I trust myself more, and suspect myself less.

 

Lots of other unexpected minor benefits, too, but that's enough! I really hope you found all that interesting and helpful!

 

Thanks for the great questions, Mistress Fei. I'm really looking forward to meeting you some time, and to you playing with me

[Epsilon12]

Being forever strung along by your balls chasing a fetish can be viewed as a neurosis. I'm probably a bit too immature to answer this question from the amount of laughter that came after wiki-ing 'neurosis' and viewing the heading "Horney's theory". Given that, I'll defend my point with a joke I like (:50 to end): https://www.youtube....h?v=w0nH0cuSOSI

 

But to go with the statement and question, repressing in general will lead to neurosis, from fetishes to raise requests. I don't quite understand what neurosis is, I answer with this line from the wiki in mind, "It has perhaps been most simply defined as a "poor ability to adapt to one's environment, an inability to change one's life patterns, and the inability to develop a richer, more complex, more satisfying personality.""

 

If I never explored BDSM, or fetishes more specifically, it would mean I'd not figured out how to communicate what I like either because I'm too dumb socially or too bashful. And being either of those things would affect my life negatively.

 

Open exploration has been very helpful in figuring out what I go for exactly and why. Also, I suppose it helps develops tact.

 

I realized it when I stumbled on a video trailer from a producer of the fetish specific material. The how is that I'd viewed it when I was around puberty age.

 

Getting over shame and finding a way to frame the fetish in a way that didn't make me feel overly odd led me to want to explore it.

[Mistress Fei]

Great questions, Mistress Fei! Sorry for the super long reply, I can't help myself

 

 

Thank you for the honest and deep insight. I expected long answers so no need to apologize- I thank you for your openness.

 

I understand what you mean by knowing when to check your impulse to dig too deep and other times knowing when to dig deeper. It is a fine balance. I used to overthink EVERYTHING to the point of damaging myself and relationships, then at times I didn't consider my actions at all and lived life carefree, unaware of unconscious meanings. Both mindsets have their pros and cons, and a healthy mixture of both adds to enjoyment and self actualization.

 

I'm glad you were able to find M. Koi, she is fantastic and beautiful and talented. Exploration is heightened with a connection, and it sounds like you found just that!

 

On a general note, I do think that sometimes our kinky impulses are hard wired. By being human, we already have these latent desires inside us that have no source from our upbringing. I think in cases of abuse or trauma, these can be expressed in kink to either repeat, or heal the trauma. However, I think that these two modes of exploration differ, perhaps subtly, in what they're achieving and which urges they're satisfying.

 

It would be really great to meet you the next time you stop in at the Fortress! Sounds like we have a lot to chat about

 

x Fei

[Mistress Fei]

Very interesting request MFei. I will PM you. Do you have a Psych background?

 

Yes I do indeed!

[SlaveD]

Hi subs,

 

While reviewing some of Freud's cases this week, I couldn't help but get attached to a statement he made in his Dora case.

 

He says that fetishes, when repressed, lead to neurosis. To lead a neurosis free life, we can't repress that urge and must acknowledge, and confront it.

 

With that, I'd like to know your answers to the below:

 

What do you think about this statement?

 

What would your life be like if you did not explore bdsm?

 

What has your open exploration of bdsm done for you, is it helpful? Therapeutic? Not effective?

 

When did you first realize your urge and how?

 

What drove you to explore it?

 

I would like to know as much info as you are willing to provide. Feel free to PM me if you have that privilege and don't want to share answers publicly.

 

x Fei

 

What do I think of this statement?

 

The first part of the statement, I'm in total agreement with. We're all as sick as our secrets, so when we repress an urge, in this case, fetishes,

it leads us to cover-up and hide who we really are, and this will cause us a great deal of anxiety (I can't let anyone know who I really am) and

over time, neuroses. I'm applying a simple dictionary definition of neuroses... "excessive, irrational anxiety and obsession which leads to an

interpersonal maladjustment." No human being is anxiety-free, as someone a lot smarter than me once said, "Anxiety is the fundamental mood

of existence." Yes, that's the difference between living things and inanimate objects. "I'm anxious, therefore I am." But one doesn't want to be

so overwhelmed with anxiety/neuroses that one can't function in society.

The second part of the statement, I agree with the part, "We can't repress that urge (fetish), and must acknowledge and confront it."

The more you're in touch with who you really are, the more content (I refuse to say happy) and, hopefully, the less neurotic you'll be.

But a neuroses-free life? Since you've just read it, I'm sure Freud said it, but in my readings of Freud (many moons ago) I remember him

saying that psychoanalysis couldn't "cure" anyone, but it could take someone who was "depressed to the point of suicide" and lift them up

to the level of the "general unhappiness" which is the human condition.

But we're talking about BDSM, and I'd be very neurotic if I didn't live-out my submissive urges, because I've always felt profoundly

inferior to women (probably because when a woman turns-me-on, she has incredible sexual/emotional power over me), and submitting

to that power is an absolute turn-on for me.

My exploration of BDSM is definitely therapeutic.

The last two questions... When did you first realize your urge and how? And what drove you to explore it? Well, I could write a very

detailed report on the evolution of my submissive tendencies, but it would be very long and this is not the place.

Perhaps, you'll make it my next homework assignment?

[questionmarks]

 

On a general note, I do think that sometimes our kinky impulses are hard wired. By being human, we already have these latent desires inside us that have no source from our upbringing. I think in cases of abuse or trauma, these can be expressed in kink to either repeat, or heal the trauma. However, I think that these two modes of exploration differ, perhaps subtly, in what they're achieving and which urges they're satisfying.

 

It would be really great to meet you the next time you stop in at the Fortress! Sounds like we have a lot to chat about

 

x Fei

 

Awesome response, thank you!

 

I think you're totally right. Since I went too far in the extreme of what I'm calling self-suspicion, it's important for me to explore the other side and to learn, as I put it, to trust myself---BUT I have to take care to stay open to the possibility that, at any given moment, there may be deeper meanings to uncover, unconscious motivations, etc.

 

The comment I made about my "teachers" perhaps gives a sense of the sort of trauma/deprivation I experienced in childhood. There are surely still wounds yet to be healed! I've had much better teachers since way back when, thankfully, and I think I can add the Fortress to that list now.

 

I mentioned in another thread that I'm not particularly drawn to degradation, but submission. I never felt so free to submit as I did with Mistress Koi, because it never felt safe to in other contexts at other times. I'll of course have to come in for some more experiential research but my strong suspicion is that this urge to submit is part-personality and part-personal history/trauma. Discerning between these two aspects will be helpful, though I suspect that the distinction will by necessity be somewhat arbitrary, and that they cannot be fully separated. It will be fun working through it all!

 

Sadly I'm way on the west coast. I dont think I'll get to stop by until... January. Bah. Your presence on the forum has made me really excited to meet you. I've also told Mistress Kang that I will let her "break me in," as she put it, and I, of course, want to see Mistress Koi again, so now I'm thrilled and overwhelmed at the thought of having a session with all three of you!

[joey]

not so. freud was wrong. repressing fetishes does not lead to neurosis. being sexually repressed himself naturally he would think this.

 

my life would prettty much be the same without fetish exploration.

 

theraputic. it provides me with great fun!

 

i've had sadomasochistic fantasies since childhood.

 

the gratification it gave me. the ultimate feeling of gratification.

[wayne]

 

 

 

Mistress Fei, this is an interesting topic. Here is what I feel.

Q1 - I totally agree with freuds statement.

i consider most neurotic behavior comes from an insecurity in a part of ourselves. If one were insecure in a relationship, he may become neurotic in overly communicating with the other person to get assurance. if one is insure with his health one may consistantly go to many doctors for different conditions to make sure all is ok. However these are examples of illogical thinking. They should be acknowledged, confronted, but need to be corrected, not keep acting them out. This will lead to a more whole life.

For fetishes, on the other hand, which is the real question, they should also be acknowledged and confronted. However, they should NOT be repressed as Freud said, because fetishes are not illogical thoughts or feelings , as opposed to my earlier examples. This will avoid the anxiety of not meeting your needs, leading to another insecurity of not ever being the whole person you are. Of course, the expression of the fetished would have to be done in a proper way. Now the person will be neurotic free. (of at least this one). To sum it up, yes I agree with Freud on this one.

 

Q2 - without exploring BDSM, I would be ok, but not all i could be not be in relationships with others, as well as my own self, emotionally.

 

Q3 - Exploring has been very helpful and therapeutic. It provided more meaning relationships and understanding of myself and of others.

 

Q4 - One of my first fetish was a foot fetish, which I realized at about age 12. I just happened to get aroused in female feet (some of my friends actulally rated their feet!)

realization of a few other fetishes were brought out though exploration (actually I've only been to the fortress and that provided me all realizations...and they are still slowly coming)

 

Q5 - What drove me to explore it, was my fetish seemed to grow stronger and more repressed with time. finally it reached a point where given an opportunity, It seemed reasonable to explore it.

 

Thanks to all the good mistresses at the FF!

[courtney]

What do you think about this statement?

I think it is true to a great degree; of course there is a small percentage that falls out of the reach of this statement.

 

What would your life be like if you did not explore bdsm?

I would harbor more frustration & angst resulting in more neurotic behavior.

 

What has your open exploration of bdsm done for you, is it helpful? Therapeutic? Not effective?

Honestly, I have yet to find out, but just the thought of having my first session with you seems to free me of a few psychological, even physical, burdens.

 

When did you first realize your urge and how?

Since I was a child. I was aware of the uncertainty of reality. This may seem vague and confusing, but I could almost sense who I was going to be as a child. It was probably the hardships growing up that promoted this awareness of being. The rough brush of harsh reality. I would kind of meander in and out of awareness. It never solidified also due to the financial instabilities, and the bombardment of poorly understood religious dogma; the unstable experiences has delayed my step into self-actualization.

 

What drove you to explore it?

My desire to understand who I could be.

[Outcast]

 

 

Thank you for the honest and deep insight. I expected long answers so no need to apologize- I thank you for your openness.

 

I understand what you mean by knowing when to check your impulse to dig too deep and other times knowing when to dig deeper. It is a fine balance. I used to overthink EVERYTHING to the point of damaging myself and relationships, then at times I didn't consider my actions Iat all and lived life carefree, unaware of unconscious meanings. Both mindsets have their pros and cons, and a healthy mixture of both adds to enjoyment and self actualization.

 

I'm glad you were able to find M. Koi, she is fantastic and beautiful and talented. Exploration is heightened with a connection, and it sounds like you found just that!

 

On a general note, I do think that sometimes our kinky impulses are hard wired. By being human, we already have these latent desires inside us that have no source from our upbringing. I think in cases of abuse or trauma, these can be expressed in kink to either repeat, or heal the trauma. However, I think that these two modes of exploration differ, perhaps subtly, in what they're achieving and which urges they're satisfying.

 

It would be really great to meet you the next time you stop in at the Fortress! Sounds like we have a lot to chat about

 

x Fei

Mistress Fei, thank you for starting this awesome thread. I know very little of psychological views of fetishists and this is enlightening. I like what you said about some fetishes being.hard wired and a natural part of being human. Scent and the adoration of the female body come to mind. Others are more a product of society and our upbringing. It's very complicated how we are. Deep down people are very much alike and want same things yet each individual is unique in that they see the world thru their own eyes and have their own desires and wants.

[Mistress Fei]

What do you think about this statement?

I think it is true to a great degree; of course there is a small percentage that falls out of the reach of this statement.

 

What would your life be like if you did not explore bdsm?

I would harbor more frustration & angst resulting in more neurotic behavior.

 

What has your open exploration of bdsm done for you, is it helpful? Therapeutic? Not effective?

Honestly, I have yet to find out, but just the thought of having my first session with you seems to free me of a few psychological, even physical, burdens.

 

When did you first realize your urge and how?

Since I was a child. I was aware of the uncertainty of reality. This may seem vague and confusing, but I could almost sense who I was going to be as a child. It was probably the hardships growing up that promoted this awareness of being. The rough brush of harsh reality. I would kind of meander in and out of awareness. It never solidified also due to the financial instabilities, and the bombardment of poorly understood religious dogma; the unstable experiences has delayed my step into self-actualization.

 

What drove you to explore it?

My desire to understand who I could be.

 

Courtney- it sounds like you have a heavy pain-body from the past. But once you transform that pain into compassion, it will no doubt expedite your process towards self-actualization. The depth you feel that "normal" people may not have been subjected to only furthers your potential, only if you harness it correctly.

 

I see it as energy. The same as how love and hate are extremes of the same emotional impulse, the capacity to experience what you describe as a rough brush with harsh reality is the capacity to transform.

 

We can explore more of this in our session coming up soon and continue to work on this progress in your session in October.

 

x Fei

[Mistress Fei]

What do I think of this statement?

 

The first part of the statement, I'm in total agreement with. We're all as sick as our secrets, so when we repress an urge, in this case, fetishes,

it leads us to cover-up and hide who we really are, and this will cause us a great deal of anxiety (I can't let anyone know who I really am) and

over time, neuroses. I'm applying a simple dictionary definition of neuroses... "excessive, irrational anxiety and obsession which leads to an

interpersonal maladjustment." No human being is anxiety-free, as someone a lot smarter than me once said, "Anxiety is the fundamental mood

of existence." Yes, that's the difference between living things and inanimate objects. "I'm anxious, therefore I am." But one doesn't want to be

so overwhelmed with anxiety/neuroses that one can't function in society.

The second part of the statement, I agree with the part, "We can't repress that urge (fetish), and must acknowledge and confront it."

The more you're in touch with who you really are, the more content (I refuse to say happy) and, hopefully, the less neurotic you'll be.

But a neuroses-free life? Since you've just read it, I'm sure Freud said it, but in my readings of Freud (many moons ago) I remember him

saying that psychoanalysis couldn't "cure" anyone, but it could take someone who was "depressed to the point of suicide" and lift them up

to the level of the "general unhappiness" which is the human condition.

But we're talking about BDSM, and I'd be very neurotic if I didn't live-out my submissive urges, because I've always felt profoundly

inferior to women (probably because when a woman turns-me-on, she has incredible sexual/emotional power over me), and submitting

to that power is an absolute turn-on for me.

My exploration of BDSM is definitely therapeutic.

The last two questions... When did you first realize your urge and how? And what drove you to explore it? Well, I could write a very

detailed report on the evolution of my submissive tendencies, but it would be very long and this is not the place.

Perhaps, you'll make it my next homework assignment?

 

Interesting answers. Anxiety is also the shadow of intelligence, as well as the capacity to plan. I personally think anxiety is an indicator, a barometer, of where you are on your path of self actualization. Once you transform that into tranquility, that's when it can work for you, not against you.

[Mistress Fei]

Awesome response, thank you!

 

I think you're totally right. Since I went too far in the extreme of what I'm calling self-suspicion, it's important for me to explore the other side and to learn, as I put it, to trust myself---BUT I have to take care to stay open to the possibility that, at any given moment, there may be deeper meanings to uncover, unconscious motivations, etc.

 

The comment I made about my "teachers" perhaps gives a sense of the sort of trauma/deprivation I experienced in childhood. There are surely still wounds yet to be healed! I've had much better teachers since way back when, thankfully, and I think I can add the Fortress to that list now.

 

I mentioned in another thread that I'm not particularly drawn to degradation, but submission. I never felt so free to submit as I did with Mistress Koi, because it never felt safe to in other contexts at other times. I'll of course have to come in for some more experiential research but my strong suspicion is that this urge to submit is part-personality and part-personal history/trauma. Discerning between these two aspects will be helpful, though I suspect that the distinction will by necessity be somewhat arbitrary, and that they cannot be fully separated. It will be fun working through it all!

 

Sadly I'm way on the west coast. I dont think I'll get to stop by until... January. Bah. Your presence on the forum has made me really excited to meet you. I've also told Mistress Kang that I will let her "break me in," as she put it, and I, of course, want to see Mistress Koi again, so now I'm thrilled and overwhelmed at the thought of having a session with all three of you!

 

Questionmarks- here could also be a reason why you've gravitated towards Mistress Koi. I think that submission is a choice, and the person you relinquish that control to can be very telling- of your past, your preferences, what you feel is powerful and beautiful, and many more unconscious motives.

 

A triple domme session sounds fantastic. Guess you'll have to make your way back over to this coast soon! Thanks for your thoughtful answers

 

x Fei

[Mistress Vivian Lu]

It seems that since different people have varying extents to which they must explore their fetishes to be comfortable, some can go through life fine not acknowledging it and others would have a very hard time not doing so. For some it is icing on the cake and for others, kink is part of one's identity and repression of it could very well lead to neurosis. I certainly find it a big part of my identity, and luckily I have had many opportunities to explore my fetishes. I'm sure I would feel quite trapped if I felt the need to repress it.

 

What I wonder about is how much exploration of one's fetishes one would have to do to feel satisfied. One can always read and watch videos about various kinks thanks to the internet, but acting them out in one's personal life or coming into a dungeon to make them a reality takes it to a different level. It's certainly a reason why we mistresses have a great appreciation for the Fortress; it is a place where people can go to do just that.

[Mistress Fei]

not so. freud was wrong. repressing fetishes does not lead to neurosis. being sexually repressed himself naturally he would think this.

 

my life would prettty much be the same without fetish exploration.

 

theraputic. it provides me with great fun!

 

i've had sadomasochistic fantasies since childhood.

 

the gratification it gave me. the ultimate feeling of gratification.

 

Hmm.. your answers seem contradictory.. Wouldn't therapy automatically imply one is being changed, or altered in some way?

[Mistress Fei]

Being forever strung along by your balls chasing a fetish can be viewed as a neurosis. I'm probably a bit too immature to answer this question from the amount of laughter that came after wiki-ing 'neurosis' and viewing the heading "Horney's theory". Given that, I'll defend my point with a joke I like (:50 to end): https://www.youtube....h?v=w0nH0cuSOSI

 

But to go with the statement and question, repressing in general will lead to neurosis, from fetishes to raise requests. I don't quite understand what neurosis is, I answer with this line from the wiki in mind, "It has perhaps been most simply defined as a "poor ability to adapt to one's environment, an inability to change one's life patterns, and the inability to develop a richer, more complex, more satisfying personality.""

 

If I never explored BDSM, or fetishes more specifically, it would mean I'd not figured out how to communicate what I like either because I'm too dumb socially or too bashful. And being either of those things would affect my life negatively.

 

Open exploration has been very helpful in figuring out what I go for exactly and why. Also, I suppose it helps develops tact.

 

I realized it when I stumbled on a video trailer from a producer of the fetish specific material. The how is that I'd viewed it when I was around puberty age.

 

Getting over shame and finding a way to frame the fetish in a way that didn't make me feel overly odd led me to want to explore it.

 

How do you frame it now to negate the shame associated?

[Mistress Fei]

It seems that since different people have varying extents to which they must explore their fetishes to be comfortable, some can go through life fine not acknowledging it and others would have a very hard time not doing so. For some it is icing on the cake and for others, kink is part of one's identity and repression of it could very well lead to neurosis. I certainly find it a big part of my identity, and luckily I have had many opportunities to explore my fetishes. I'm sure I would feel quite trapped if I felt the need to repress it.

 

What I wonder about is how much exploration of one's fetishes one would have to do to feel satisfied. One can always read and watch videos about various kinks thanks to the internet, but acting them out in one's personal life or coming into a dungeon to make them a reality takes it to a different level. It's certainly a reason why we mistresses have a great appreciation for the Fortress; it is a place where people can go to do just that.

 

Hi Lu, I think you answered your own question- as you mentioned, sometimes a need and draw to kink/bdsm is deep and other times shallow. I suppose this means that depending on the degrees of your association, the amount of exposure would vary. Another thing I'd like to throw in there is perhaps we will never be truly "satisfied", as any need in life exists as a need that needs constant replenishing. For instance, hunger or thirst are needs, and sure we can be satiated but the need always returns. I think a need and a want are very different, obviously spiritually but even on a superficial level. Wants can be satisfied, sometimes even permanently. A need, never fully.

[bassman]

I found this to be an interesting thread. And I have scheduled a session with Mistress Fei as a result. I know that I will be punished in due course for being unfaithful to Mistress Tran. However, since I seem to get punished no matter what I do, this was a neutral factor in the decision-making process.

[Mistress Fei]

Hmm.. your answers seem contradictory.. Wouldn't therapy automatically imply one is being changed, or altered in some way?

 

or perhaps what I mean by that is, there's something that seeks alleviating. Therapy is a catalyst

[Mistress Fei]

A good example of a want in light of recent posts- I want a triboob, so I

I found this to be an interesting thread. And I have scheduled a session with Mistress Fei as a result. I know that I will be punished in due course for being unfaithful to Mistress Tran. However, since I seem to get punished no matter what I do, this was a neutral factor in the decision-making process.

 

What day am I seeing you, bassman? Operating on a lose-lose condition seems to be liberating

[joey]

Hmm.. your answers seem contradictory.. Wouldn't therapy automatically imply one is being changed, or altered in some way?

 

freud seemed to think all mental illness springs from repressed sexually. thomas szaz for example claimed mental illness does not exist.

[bassman]

 

What day am I seeing you, bassman? Operating on a lose-lose condition seems to be liberating

 

It's in the first week of October (rather not be specific here). I'll e-mail in advance ... session idea based on your original post here.

[Epsilon12]

How do you frame it now to negate the shame associated?

 

It's more that I've gotten over the shame, and now think a lot about how to frame it. The framing part is more the exploration, how to deal with all that offputtyness. I try to normalize it.

[Milkdud]

Hi subs,

 

While reviewing some of Freud's cases this week, I couldn't help but get attached to a statement he made in his Dora case.

 

He says that fetishes, when repressed, lead to neurosis. To lead a neurosis free life, we can't repress that urge and must acknowledge, and confront it.

 

With that, I'd like to know your answers to the below:

 

What do you think about this statement?

 

What would your life be like if you did not explore bdsm?

 

What has your open exploration of bdsm done for you, is it helpful? Therapeutic? Not effective?

 

When did you first realize your urge and how?

 

What drove you to explore it?

 

I would like to know as much info as you are willing to provide. Feel free to PM me if you have that privilege and don't want to share answers publicly.

 

x Fei

Thank you for the topic Ms. Fae,

I think Freud certainly deserves his place as the father of modern psychology but his theories are antiquated and of course subjective. There is no real reliable evidence to substantiate the success of psychoanalysis as a mode of therapy. Of course his influence stretches much more widely then that, in literary and art criticism for example. His definition of fetish as rooted in the fear and desire present in the mother/son attachment differs considerably from the common understanding of fetish today. Still, there certainly is quite a lot of HOT material there for future role plays;-) I like the original meaning of the word fetish "an object of reverence we subscribe supernatural powers or irresistible powers to." No doubt that erotic self-discovery can be liberating and that repressing certain desires for clothing types, toys, or particular activities due to barriers of religious-based or other shame can cause distress or psychological discomfort. Thankfully we have this forum, the FF, and all sorts of support communities out there.

I think there is a tendency to separate "fetish" from a more inclusive definition of what sex is. Power exchange is just another variation and a means to have a richer,, psychological charged experience to those who are so inclined. .

Without kink and fetish exploration, I think things would have been a hell of a lot more boring for me ! I have been kinky and engaging in BDSM my entire adult life with a few primary and numerous other partners over time and so it has meant a lot of fun, personal exploration, and social connection. I think of myself as wired that way! For years, I didn't buy the idea that "fetish exploration" could be therapeutic in a lasting way but that believe has definitely changed over the past few years especially as I have played with MZ:-) . As another poster eloquently said, it is important for some not to over think attraction and the desire to explore erotic variation, but I have found the self-reflection on interpersonal dynamics and the freedom to play and express freely really valuable. Kinky and fetishist fantasies came along with my sexual awakening in my early teens. If this were a PM, I would go into much more detail but my desire for kink and to act those fantasies out was very strong. My first actual experience occurred around age 18 with a friend who was dating another woman and identified as lesbian. We found ourselves in her mother's outdoor hot tub one night and she began playing with and torturing my nipples. It went on for a long time and it was magical;) I loved both the torturous sensations and the power she had over me. That experience helped me begin the process of accepting that I wanted kink in my erotic encounters. I was quite the raging dresser when I was a young lad/lass;-) But when, despite my fear, I received my first few strokes of a single tail, things changed. I've never had a purely vanilla relationship actually. I eventually began to switch in the SM dynamic and gradually, as I have gotten older, explored the D&S dynamic. Its been at the FF that I have been free to explore submission in a deeper sense with some beautiful, devious, sadistic ladies over the years!